Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Overweight in many countries is a common problem and citizens’ health and fitness level is also decreasing. What are the causes of this problem and what could be done to tackle this problem? v.1

Overweight in many countries is a common problem and citizens’ health and fitness level is also decreasing. What are the causes of this problem and what could be done to tackle this problem? v. 1
Obesity has recently become a common worldwide heath issue as a manifestation of sedentary lifestyle of people. We should know exactly what the reasons are behind this and then try to solve it accordingly. The main reason for obesity is because of the unhealthy, unbalanced diet many people have. People tend to eat easily cocked, ready to prepare fast foods or what we call junk foods. These short of junk foods do not contain any nutritional values and they are rich in oils, fats and sugars, and deficient in the basic nutritional elements like proteins, vitamins and minerals. Also with the advancement of the technology, there is widespread use of genetically modified foods which is totally unhealthy and carry the risk of many serious illnesses like Cancer. Secondly, the fast trend of life nowadays made people lazy and lack the motivation and energy for exercise.   Perhaps they ended up gaining weight because the exercise and physical labour are completely absent from their lifestyle. Finally, the modern society that we live in promotes the easily made food items without focusing on the contents and food values. Furthermore, they promote for the muscle built formula with ignoring the value of exercise and physical fitness which is not effective at all. The solutions for this problem need a total change in all of our eating habits. We should revise the contents of all of our daily foods and ensure that it provides us with all the basic nutrients and all of our heath-requirements for example, fruits, vegetables, milk, fish, meat, etc. Moreover, we should add the exercise to our daily routine, as the doctor recommend that we should practice walking daily for a minimum of 10 minutes. Also, we should implement this concept in our new generation to raise a good healthy family. The governments should  have a great role on this by organising a campaign that would advertise for a healthy lifestyle and offer places for free walking and a sports centre at a low cost. In conclusion, obesity would always be a common heath issue unless we change our lifestyle in terms of healthy and balanced diet and good physical exercise.
Obesity has recently become a common worldwide heath issue as a manifestation of sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. We should know exactly what the reasons are behind this and then try to solve it
accordingly
.

The main reason for obesity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the unhealthy, unbalanced diet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to eat
easily
cocked, ready to prepare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
or what we call junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. These short of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
do not contain any nutritional
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
values and
they are rich in oils, fats and sugars, and deficient in the basic nutritional elements like proteins, vitamins and minerals.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
with the advancement of the technology, there is widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
genetically
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which is
totally
unhealthy and carry the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious illnesses like Cancer.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
trend of life nowadays made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy and lack the motivation and energy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Perhaps they ended up gaining weight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and physical
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
are completely absent from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Finally
, the modern society that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in promotes the
easily
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items without focusing on the contents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
values.
Furthermore
, they promote for the muscle built formula with ignoring the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and physical fitness which is not effective at all.

The solutions for this problem need a total
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in all of our eating habits. We should revise the contents of all of our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and ensure that it provides us with all the basic nutrients and all of our heath-requirements
for example
, fruits, vegetables, milk, fish, meat, etc.
Moreover
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
to our daily routine, as the doctor recommend that we should practice walking daily for a minimum of 10 minutes.
Also
, we should implement this concept in our new generation to raise a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
healthy family. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
have a great role on this by
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
a campaign that would advertise for a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and offer places for free walking and a sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
at a low cost.

In conclusion
, obesity would always be a common heath issue unless we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
in terms of healthy and balanced diet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Overweight in many countries is a common problem and citizens’ health and fitness level is also decreasing. What are the causes of this problem and what could be done to tackle this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts