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It is observed in many countries that less and less people nowadays go to the cinema to watch movies. What could be the possible cause and solution of this? v.2

It is observed in many countries that less and less people nowadays go to the cinema to watch movies. What could be the possible cause and solution of this? v. 2
In today's modern era, cinema is playing a significant role. It is an important way to spread messages to the public and it also acts as a source of entertainment nowadays. However, in the recent years, people moving away from it. Due to fewer numbers of people prefer to watch movies or play in the cinema. In this essay, I shall discuss some possible causes and also would like to give my suggestion to increase the attendance in cinemas. First of all, the Internet provides all the new released movies and plays. Although it is recorded from cinema or anywhere else, people like to watch it because it is free of cost. Because it is easy to find video over the Internet, public do not go to the cinema to watch movies. They know that after some time of release, the movie will be available on the Internet. In reality, there are many websites available where you can find many new released movies. Further, piracy is not limited only for the Internet. Many people, who do this piracy, burn CDs and sell it in the market. However, this is illegal but still it is being done in front of us. Furthermore, with advancement in technology, the time lag between the releases of movies is very less. At the same time, hundreds of movies are releasing. This trend kills the interest of people about cinema. Lastly, hundreds of channel over cable network playing movies on television. People know that after some time, movies will be played on television. So they keep patience and do not go to the cinema. Besides the quality of local cinema are also questionable. To tackle this problem of declining cinema viewers, we need to face the piracy problem first. Piracy is the most affecting cause of cinema attendances’ declining in the modern world. Laws which work on piracy should be amended accordingly and strong punishment should be given to those who are found guilty of it. If anyone pirates this copyrighted property should be arrested and then this will generate a fear in others who pirates movies. Secondly, the websites which offer free download should be wiped out from the internet as they violets the piracy laws. If the public does not find any free download sites then they will shift to the cinema. Thirdly, the film production companies should not sell their newly released movies to the television channel owners. This step will definitely affect the watcher and they will move to the cinema. Piracy is an illegal act and the law enforcers should be active to prevent it. People should be encouraged not to support piracy. If a common man understands that the people are making a black money by selling a pirated CDs then definitely they will not support piracy. Thus cinema will, of course, gain some momentum with watchers. Lastly, local filmmakers should produce more authentic and entertaining movies that would make competition with the foreign movies. To sum up, I would conclude by saying that the cinema will re-achieve its pace if necessary steps are taken and that should be done as soon as possible. However, the first step should be to tackle the piracy.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
is playing a significant role. It is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
way to spread messages to the public and it
also
acts as a source of entertainment nowadays.
However
, in the recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moving away from it. Due to fewer numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or play in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
. In this essay, I shall discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible causes and
also
would like to give my suggestion to increase the attendance in cinemas.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the Internet provides all the new released
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and plays. Although it
is recorded
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
or anywhere else,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is free of cost.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it is easy to find video over the Internet, public do not go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. They know that after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of release, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
will be available on the Internet. In reality, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
websites available where you can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new released
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
Further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
is not limited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the Internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who do this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
, burn CDs and sell it in the market.
However
, this is illegal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
it is
being done
in front of us.
Furthermore
, with advancement in technology, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
lag between the releases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are releasing. This trend kills the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
.
Lastly
, hundreds of channel over cable network playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on television.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
know that after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
will
be played
on television.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
patience and do not go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
.
Besides
the quality of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
are
also
questionable.

To tackle this problem of declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
viewers, we need to face the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
problem
first
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Piracy
is the most affecting cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
attendances’ declining in the modern world. Laws which work on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
should
be amended
accordingly
and strong punishment should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to those who
are found
guilty of it. If anyone pirates this copyrighted property should
be arrested
and then this will generate a fear in others who
Did you mean "pirate"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'others' should be used.
pirates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
Secondly
, the websites which offer free download should
be wiped
out from the internet as
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they violets
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
laws. If the public does not find any free download sites then they will shift to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
.
Thirdly
, the film production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should not sell their
newly
released
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
to the television channel owners. This step will definitely affect the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
watcher and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Piracy
is an illegal act and the law enforcers should be active to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
be encouraged
not to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
. If a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
understands that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are making
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "black money".
a black money
by selling a pirated CDs then definitely they will not support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
will,
of course
, gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
momentum with watchers.
Lastly
, local filmmakers should produce more authentic and entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
competition with the foreign movies.

To sum up, I would conclude by saying that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
will re-achieve its pace if necessary steps
are taken
and that should
be done
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
However
, the
first
step should be to tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay It is observed in many countries that less and less people nowadays go to the cinema to watch movies. What could be the possible cause and solution of this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
534 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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