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Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems v.1

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems v. 1
These days, the increasing rate of obesity among kids is a pressing concern in many countries. This essay will discuss the potential reasons for this trend and also highlight some possible consequences of it. It is widely accepted that the growth in the number of obese children results from an imbalance between energy intake and consumption. In today's world children tend to take a huge amount of unhealthy food having a high proportion of calories, fat, and sugar in their daily diet. Recent research shows that a kid consumes on average more than one hundred liters of carbonated drink per year. On the other hand, instead of taking part in physical activities, most children spend an amount of time on sedentary habits including watching television and playing video games which results in burning fewer calories and gaining weight. In addition, it is obvious that there are some negative effects of obesity on children’s health. First of all, obesity contributes to the risk of some chronic diseases. In detail, many studies indicate that children’s obesity constitutes to the early development of several conditions such as type 2 of diabetes, hypertension and many more. Another worth noting effect is that children’s obesity leads to serious psychological consequences such as autism and depression. For instance, obese children may be discriminated at school by their peers that can have detrimental influences on their mental health. In conclusion, children’s obesity is mainly caused by their calorie-rich diet and an inactive lifestyle. Also, it brings various issues of physical and mental health in the early stage of their lives. To solve this problem, it is recommended that more outdoor activities should be introduced to the curriculum of schools to raise the awareness of students in preventing themselves from the obesity.
These days, the increasing rate of obesity among kids is a pressing concern in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. This essay will discuss the potential reasons for this trend and
also
highlight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible consequences of it.

It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that the growth in the number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
results from an imbalance between energy intake and consumption. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to take a huge amount of unhealthy food having a high proportion of calories,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, and sugar in their daily diet. Recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a kid consumes on average more than one hundred liters of carbonated drink per year.
On the other hand
,
instead
of taking part in physical activities, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend an amount of time on sedentary habits including watching television and playing video games which results in burning fewer calories and gaining weight.

In addition
, it is obvious that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of obesity on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, obesity contributes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chronic diseases. In detail,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies indicate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
obesity constitutes to the early development of several conditions such as type 2 of diabetes, hypertension and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. Another worth noting effect is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
obesity leads to serious psychological consequences such as autism and depression.
For instance
, obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
be discriminated
at school by their peers that can have detrimental influences on their mental health.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
obesity is
mainly
caused by their calorie-rich diet and an inactive lifestyle.
Also
, it brings various issues of physical and mental health in the early stage of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. To solve this problem, it
is recommended
that more outdoor activities should
be introduced
to the curriculum of schools to raise the awareness of students in preventing themselves from the obesity.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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