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overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that government and individuals can tackle these problems. v.4

overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that government and individuals can tackle these problems. v. 4
Over a last decade, the population in urban areas is increasing exponentially. This sudden rise has led to several issues such as the over-utilization of country's existing resources and a surge in traffic on roads. There are immediate measures needed by both, government and the citizens, to combat this issue. One of the problems that has arisen due to overpopulation is the excessive use of the nation's resources such as health services and education facilities. In other words, as the head count in the country is growing, the hospital wards are all already booked with patients and public hospitals cannot accommodate more. Due to this, the health conditions of the citizens are deteriorating as they are unable to receive treatments at the right time. An another aspects caused by over-population is a surge in traffic on roads. For example, more and more people have personal vehicles now, which they use to commute to offices and shopping malls. As a result, air pollution is at its peak and also the conditions of the roads are decreasing each day. Indeed, over-population is a worry for nation's policy-makers and its residents. One possible solution to curb over-population is to educate the people. In other words, proper awareness programmes by authorities to highlight the need and the methods to achieve birth control are a mandate. Meanwhile, governments can work on improving and building infrastructure to cater the growing needs of its citizen in various sectors such as medical and railways. Apart from this, each individual should contribute by paying taxes on-time and acting wisely while consuming public facilities. In addition, people can opt for carpool and public transports rather than choosing their own cars to travel. Therefore, such small measures would certainly impact the lives of many and can bring a big change later. In conclusion, it is evident that over-population is a cause that requires an utmost attention. Therefore, both individuals and government should join hands to tackle this problem. Hence, educating people and being responsible for one's actions is most definitely a positive course of action.
Over a last decade, the population in urban areas is increasing
exponentially
. This sudden rise has led to several issues such as the over-utilization of country's existing resources and a surge in traffic on roads. There are immediate measures needed by both,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the citizens, to combat this issue.

One of the problems that has arisen due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
is the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the nation's resources such as health services and education facilities.
In other words
, as the head count in the country is growing, the hospital wards are all already booked with patients and public hospitals cannot accommodate more. Due to this, the health conditions of the citizens are deteriorating as they are unable to receive treatments at the right time.
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "an aspects" or "another aspects".
An another aspects
caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over-population
is a surge in traffic on roads.
For example
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have personal vehicles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, which they
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
commute to offices and shopping malls.
As a result
, air pollution is at its peak and
also
the conditions of the roads are decreasing each day.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over-population
is a worry for nation's policy-makers and its residents.

One possible solution to curb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over-population
is to educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In other words
, proper awareness
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
by authorities to highlight the need and the methods to achieve birth control are a mandate. Meanwhile,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can work on improving and building infrastructure to cater the growing needs of its citizen in various sectors such as medical and railways. Apart from this, each individual should contribute by paying taxes on-time and acting
wisely
while consuming public facilities.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can opt for carpool and public transports
rather
than choosing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars to travel.
Therefore
, such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
measures would
certainly
impact the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and can bring a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
later.

In conclusion
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over-population
is a cause that requires an utmost attention.

Therefore
, both individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands to tackle this problem.
Hence
, educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and being responsible for one's actions is most definitely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
course of action.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that government and individuals can tackle these problems. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
344 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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