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In the modern world it is possible to shop, work, and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with each others. Is this a positive or negative development? v.6

In the modern world it is possible to shop, work, and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with each others. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 6
In our modern society people are easy to access internet today. They can shop, do their work and can communicate to their loved ones most of the time. However, this will have a positive and negative development on both sides. In my opinion it is a negative development. Firstly, internet is the most accessible thing that can people use in different ways. Individuals can do shopping through online by just clicking the websites. It can use to work because others are working from home. It is also use in communication. There is no such thing what can internet do in our modern world. It is very useful to those oversea workers because they are working in other, countries far from their family to provide the needs of their loved ones back to the country they used to be. It is important to them keep in touch with each other. They can talk even they are not meeting in person by using the electronic devices with a high-speed of internet. That is the good side of having the internet on our lives. Everyone can used it everywhere even at home, school, work or in business. It provides a fastest communication in many people around the world. On the other hand, there will be a negative side of internet. Most of the children today are not concentrating to their school. They would just want to stay at home doing internet games only. Children and Young adults are the most affecting by using the internet. Instead of going to school they just preferred to do games. It is hard to give them discipline because they feel that playing internet games could benefit them. Another example is individual would learn on how not telling the truth because those people far from each other have the possibility to lie. Some are getting isolated because no one knows what is happening to them. They can have bad influence to others and individuals may suffer to addiction. In conclusion, using an internet would have a bad effect to children and young adults. There should be a good provision from their parents. Internet will only be helpful in terms of communication.
In our modern society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are easy to access internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. They can shop, do their work and can communicate to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
most of the time.
However
, this will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development on both sides. In my opinion it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

Firstly
, internet is the most accessible thing that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways. Individuals can
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
through online by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
clicking the websites. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
others are working from home. It is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "used".
use
in communication. There is no such thing what can internet do in our modern world. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful to those oversea workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, countries far from their family to provide the needs of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
back to the country they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. They can talk even they are not meeting in person by using the electronic devices with a high-speed of internet.
That is
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
side of having the internet on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Everyone can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "use"
used
it everywhere even at home, school, work or in business. It provides
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
fastest communication in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of internet. Most of the children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are not concentrating to their school. They would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to stay at home doing internet games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Children and Young adults are the most affecting by using the internet.
Instead
of going to school they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
preferred to do games. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to give them discipline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel that playing internet games could benefit them. Another example is individual would learn on how not telling the truth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
far from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
have the possibility to lie.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are getting isolated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no one knows what is happening to them. They can have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence to others and individuals may suffer to addiction.

In conclusion
, using an internet would have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect to children and young adults. There should be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
provision from their parents. Internet will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be helpful in terms of communication.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world it is possible to shop, work, and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with each others. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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