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Over time, as children grow older, the relationship they have with their parents changes. In your opinion, what role should parents have in their adult children’s lives? v.3

Over time, as children grow older, the relationship they have with their parents changes. In your opinion, what role should parents have in their adult children’s lives? v. 3
Children with the growth less dependance from parents, so their relationships change and frequently in mature ages become weaker than before. Overall, from my perspective, parents play a main role throughout the entire life of the each person. Firstly, few people can deny the fact that parents teach us all the time because ages for them no matter: it means children for parents always children, so they always want to give advice and take care about their son or daughter. For example, each person eventually has situation when return to home, and inside they always know that parents provide for them peaceful place and help in all their efforts. Therefore, parents play role teacher, and shelter that crucial in our turbulent times; consequently, relationship with them should be the same. Although, time to time parents attempt to take control of children's lives that deprive them right of choice and lead to controversial aftermath. For example, parents of rich families impose their lifestyle, business and even marriage on profitable partner. As a result, children begin resisting to such control and in all effort they attempt to break off their relationship with parents. Likewise, if parents control each step children or even force to fall in line, it leads to rebel in various forms and mental disease. Thus, parents should remember that their child is people too with own view and life, thereby should give children freedom in mature age. To conclude, I think parents have a crucial role in our life; however, for a vital relationship their influence should, with the years, have been diminishing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
with the growth less
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependance
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and
frequently
in mature ages become weaker than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Overall
, from my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a main role throughout the entire life of
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
person.

Firstly
, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can deny the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
teach us all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
ages for them no matter: it means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they always want to give advice and take care about their son or daughter.
For example
, each person
eventually
has situation when return to home, and inside they always know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
provide for them peaceful place and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in all their efforts.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play role teacher, and shelter that crucial in our turbulent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
;
consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with them should be the same.

Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
attempt to take control of children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
that deprive them right of choice and lead to controversial aftermath.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of rich families impose their lifestyle, business and even marriage on profitable partner.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
resisting to such control and in all effort they attempt to break off their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Likewise
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
control each step
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or even force
Did you mean "falling"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'force' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to fall
in line, it leads to rebel in various forms and mental disease.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should remember that their child is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
too with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view and life, thereby should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
freedom in mature age.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a crucial role in our life;
however
, for a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
their influence should, with the years, have been diminishing.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Over time, as children grow older, the relationship they have with their parents changes. In your opinion, what role should parents have in their adult children’s lives? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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