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Some People Work For The Same Organisation All Their Working Life. Others Think It Is Better To Work For Different Organisations. Discuss Both These Views And Give Your Own Opinion. v.18

Some People Work For The Same Organisation All Their Working Life. Others Think It Is Better To Work For Different Organisations. v. 18
There is no doubt that jobholders usually look forward to putting their best effort and quality in their workplaces. While it has been contemplated by some individuals that holding job for the same organisation in one's lifetime should be the ideal scenario, others opposed the idea of doing so. In this essay, I will discuss both these views with pertinent examples and I tend to agree with the latter statement. The most significant problem is that people cannot ensure a soundproof financial future if they do not work for a company till the very end. That is to say, many staffs often sign up for just one firm or company due to pension schemes, gratuity plan, and so forth. Moreover, they wait till the maturity age of these financial plans so that a safe and sound future can be ensured after the retirement. For instance, many government employees would not leave their jobs at any cost because of their pension plan and job security. Furthermore, when these people get accustomed to a same working environment and colleagues, it seems barely possible to switch. On the other hand, a number of career enthusiasts, especially the young ones, switch rapidly for their career progress. This is an advantage because this type of individuals can learn unique experiences and secure a better position from the previous one. For instance, many fresh IT graduates start their career in a small startup in Silicon Valley and quickly jump to a better option with all the learnings. In this way, anyone may ensure a top position in the pertinent industry and as a consequence, the success rate of getting promotion is higher sometimes. To sum up, despite having monetary benefits from a long time job, it would be an astute decision for a few people to rotate their working positions in different organisations. In my opinion, landing in different organisations could ensure an amazing career trajectory for some dedicated professionals.
There is no doubt that jobholders
usually
look forward to putting their best effort and quality in their workplaces. While it has
been contemplated
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
in one's lifetime should be the ideal scenario, others opposed the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. In this essay, I will discuss both these views with pertinent examples and I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter statement.

The most significant problem is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot ensure a soundproof financial future if they do not work for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
till the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
That is
to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
staffs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one firm or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
due to pension schemes, gratuity plan, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
Moreover
, they wait till the maturity age of these financial plans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that a safe and sound future can
be ensured
after the retirement.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
employees would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
at any cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their pension plan and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security.
Furthermore
, when these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accustomed to a same working environment and colleagues, it seems
barely
possible to switch.

On the other hand
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
enthusiasts,
especially
the young ones, switch
rapidly
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
progress. This is an advantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this type of individuals can learn unique experiences and secure a better position from the previous one.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fresh IT graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
startup in Silicon Valley and
quickly
jump to a better option with all the learnings. In this way, anyone may ensure a top position in the pertinent industry and as a consequence, the success rate of getting promotion is higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.

To sum up, despite having monetary benefits from a long time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, it would be an astute decision for a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to rotate their working positions in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
. In my opinion, landing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
could ensure an amazing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
trajectory for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dedicated professionals.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some People Work For The Same Organisation All Their Working Life. Others Think It Is Better To Work For Different Organisations. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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