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Organized tours to remote places and communities is increasingly popular Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment v.1

Organized tours to remote places and communities is increasingly popular Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment v. 1
It is true that the amount of waste produced in the world has gone upwards. It is my understanding that this is happening because of increased production brought upon by consumerism and not enough recycling. With proper policies framed and publicized by the government, a reduction of the same can be achieved. As there is a sharp rise in consumerism, we are using more and recycling less resulting in increased wastage. As people nowadays are buying products at a rate unprecedented, companies are producing at larger volumes resulting in abundant products in the market. Due to this we buy more than we actually consume throwing the rest in the trash. Because of the belief that there is plenty more, we don’t recycle, hence, increasing the rubbish produced. For instance, earlier people use to repair broken electronics but nowadays they discard it and just buy brand new ones. Also, bulk buying is the underlying cause for food wastage as well. It is incumbent upon governments that such policies should be framed which results in recycling, decreasing the amount of useless garbage. Awareness programs should be undertaken educating the public about benefits of recycling. In addition to this, the sanitation department should be equipped so that recyclable and other trash can be bifurcated. The items which are not biodegradable like plastics should be banned and biodegradable substance should be buried in such a way that it makes the land fertile. With generating awareness about recycling and proper disposal of other waste material, surely the government can make an impact. In conclusion, there are underlying factors like overproduction and absence of recycling resulting in increased garbage around the world. However, with increasing awareness among people and modifying the garbage disposal techniques, governments can contribute in decreasing waste material.
It is true that the amount of waste produced in the world has gone upwards. It is my understanding that this is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increased production brought upon by consumerism and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recycling
. With proper policies framed and publicized by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, a reduction of the same can
be achieved
.

As there is a sharp rise in consumerism, we are using more and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recycling
less resulting in increased wastage. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays are buying products at a rate unprecedented,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are producing at larger volumes resulting in abundant products in the market. Due to this we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more than we actually consume throwing the rest in the trash.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the belief that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
more, we don’t recycle,
hence
, increasing the rubbish produced.
For instance
, earlier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
repair broken electronics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays they discard it and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
ones.
Also
, bulk buying is the underlying cause for food wastage
as well
.

It is incumbent upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
that such policies should
be framed
which results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recycling
, decreasing the amount of useless garbage. Awareness programs should be undertaken educating the public about benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recycling
.
In addition
to this, the sanitation department should
be equipped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that recyclable and other trash can
be bifurcated
. The items which are not biodegradable like plastics should
be banned
and biodegradable substance should
be buried
in such a way that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the land fertile. With generating awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recycling
and proper disposal of other waste material,
surely
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an impact.

In conclusion
, there are underlying factors like overproduction and absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recycling
resulting in increased garbage around the world.
However
, with increasing awareness among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and modifying the garbage disposal techniques,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can contribute in decreasing waste material.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Organized tours to remote places and communities is increasingly popular Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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