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Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV or reading about them in the newspapers. Why do they do this? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people? v.1

Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV or reading about them in the newspapers. Why do they do this? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people? v. 1
The changing diet of people around the world has tremendously affected some of our physical characteristics. The intensification of the rhythm of life leads to the creation of fast-food restaurants, which offer quick meals for a reasonable price. This, in its turn, has lead led to (caused, resulted in) severe problems with obesity among different age groups, especially children. This essay is set to study the problems, which are connected (connected) with the given trend in weight indicators, and provide possible solutions to this issue. First, child obesity may lead to numerous negative consequences. It significantly affects the health condition of the youngsters, leading to serious issues, which may become worth (assume a grave character) in the older age. People with excessive weight are, undoubtedly, more prone to heart attacks and strokes. What is more, children with obesity and an unregulated diet when they become older tend to support the same eating patterns of their own kids. Such parents do not limit the consumption of unhealthy food, which actually leads to the reappearance of the same problems among the young generations. However, even though the issue is quite complex, it could be dealt with the help of the right policy instruments. The establishment of an obligatory regulatory system, which would control the diet of the youngsters, thus, placing this problem under public control. Furthermore, introducing a system of physical exercise might also help to deal with (cope with, manage, overcome) obesity. If schools and other public institutions adopt strategies for sports activities’ promotion, there will be certainly undoubtedly be less fewer children with overweight. In conclusion, the problem of child obesity can lead to negative (harmful) short-term and long-term consequences. However, this issue can be effectively tackled with the introduction of a robust control and prevention systems, which combine different strategies.
The changing diet of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world has
tremendously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of our physical characteristics. The intensification of the rhythm of life leads to the creation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food restaurants, which offer quick meals for a reasonable price. This, in its turn, has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
led to (caused, resulted in) severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with obesity among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups,
especially
children. This essay
is set
to study the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, which
are connected
(connected) with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
trend in weight indicators, and provide possible solutions to this issue.

First
, child obesity may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences. It
significantly
affects the health condition of the youngsters, leading to serious issues, which may become worth (assume a grave character) in the older age.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
with excessive weight are,
undoubtedly
, more prone to heart attacks and strokes.
What is more
, children with obesity and an unregulated diet when they become older tend to support the same eating patterns of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
kids. Such parents do not limit the consumption of unhealthy food, which actually leads to the reappearance of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
among the young generations.

However
,
even though
the issue is quite complex, it could
be dealt
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the right policy instruments. The establishment of an obligatory regulatory system, which would control the diet of the youngsters,
thus
, placing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
under public control.
Furthermore
, introducing a system of physical exercise might
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to deal with (cope with, manage, overcome) obesity. If schools and other public institutions adopt strategies for sports activities’ promotion, there will be
certainly
undoubtedly
be
Non-standard use of the comparative or superlative. Did you mean "less few"?
less fewer
children with overweight.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of child obesity can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
(harmful) short-term and long-term consequences.
However
, this issue can be
effectively
tackled with the introduction of a robust control and prevention systems, which combine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV or reading about them in the newspapers. Why do they do this? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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