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Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV and reading them on newspaper. What is the reason? Is it good idea to copy famous personalities? v.1

Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV and reading them on newspaper. What is the reason? Is it good idea to copy famous personalities? v. 1
In this contemplate era, it is often seen that common people who are fans of any popular celebrity try to copy them when they watch these prominent personalities on television or read their articles in magazines or newspapers. There is a plethora of these factors that people tend to achieve their lifestyle. But, this is not admirable thing. To start with, some people are in a misconception that if they will copy their role models, they can achieve the same popularity as these popular people in a short span of time. For instance, a girl carries the same handbag including the same brand, colour and size as she had seen in the hands of her favourite model. She does this for the reasons of vanity. She overlooks this thing that there is no big deal to buy such minor things for these prominent personalities. Though she has to spend a good amount of money out of her several month's valuable earnings only to copy them. Furthermore, common individual tries to read the articles or bibliographies from newspapers or magazines to gain the huge success like that person. The only intention for common people to get into their role model's life. So that they can also get the same amount of bulk money. For example, a man reads the articles of his favourite writer all the time and thinks to get the same wealth like that famous writer. This is not possible unless he tries to write the article by himself. Besides, it has an adverse effect that person can undergo the stage of anxiety. The best thing is that a person should grab the positive things from these famous people and act accordingly. To conclude with, common people always should learn the right values and principles from these prominent personalities. This is helpful to boost their morale and they will more satisfy to lead their lifestyle by their own way.
In this contemplate era, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are fans of any popular celebrity try to copy them when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these prominent personalities on television or read their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
articles
in magazines or newspapers. There is a plethora of these factors that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to achieve their lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this is not admirable thing.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in a misconception that if they will copy their role models, they can achieve the same popularity as these popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a short span of time.
For instance
, a girl carries the same handbag including the same brand,
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
and size as she had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the hands of her
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
model. She does this for the reasons of vanity. She overlooks this thing that there is no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
such minor things for these prominent personalities.
“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of money out of her several
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "months"?
month's
valuable earnings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to copy them.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
individual tries to read the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
articles
or bibliographies from newspapers or magazines to gain the huge success like that person. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
intention for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into their role model's life.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same amount of bulk money.
For example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
reads the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
articles
of his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
writer all the time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same wealth
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
like
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
writer. This is not possible unless he tries to write the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
by himself.
Besides
, it has an adverse effect that person can undergo the stage of anxiety. The best thing is that a person should grab the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things from these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and act
accordingly
.

To conclude
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always should learn the right values and principles from these prominent personalities. This is helpful to boost their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
morale and
they will more satisfy to lead their lifestyle by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV and reading them on newspaper. What is the reason? Is it good idea to copy famous personalities? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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