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Online shopping is increasing significantly What the effect might be on the environment and the type of job which were required Give your knowledge and experience v.2

Online shopping is increasing significantly What the effect might be on the environment and the type of job which were required Give your knowledge and experience v. 2
It is true that nowadays selling goods online is rapidly developing and mostly popular among young generation. This essay will discuss how online markets effecting the environment and also the type of jobs which is required. First of all, effect that online markets made towards the environment are mostly positive. It is also a fact that online shopping do not require big office spaces, so that allocating big land spaces and building wider buildings are un-necessary. As an example, amazon. com which was started in a small office space. In addition, all the advertising and marketing are distributing over social media and broadcasting media, which means no big advertisement spaces like huge banners in parks or road sides are required. Most importantly, most off the shopping process is done in online, so that no more traffic congested roads. Secondly, the jobs it requires are little bit different. Despite of manufacturing jobs, all the other part of the process needs people who familiar with computers. Because the selling, purchasing and delivering are computer base, so that most of the jobs like delivery drivers, marketing and administration all required computer literacy. If I link to the same example I mentioned earlier, in amazon. com there are many people who are doing digital and social media marketing website administrating which is highly depend on computers. In conclusion, increasing popularity in online shopping not only have a positive effect on the environment, but also for the job market. Because when a particular online shop grows rapidly, the talent which needs to maintain also increase and in demand. In my experience, nowadays all the young generation are computer literate and it helps them to be employed quickly as soon as they graduated.
It is true that nowadays selling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is
rapidly
developing and
mostly
popular among young generation. This essay will discuss how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
markets effecting the environment and
also
the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which
is required
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, effect that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
markets made towards the environment are
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
. It is
also
a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping do not require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that allocating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
and building wider buildings are
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-necessary
. As an example,
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
com
which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
.
In addition
, all the advertising and marketing are distributing over social media and broadcasting media, which means no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
advertisement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
like huge banners in parks or road sides
are required
. Most
importantly
, most off the shopping process
is done
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no more traffic congested roads.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
it requires are
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, all the other part of the process needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a familiar".
who familiar
with computers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the selling, purchasing and delivering are computer base,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
like delivery drivers, marketing and administration all required computer literacy. If I link to the same example I mentioned earlier,
The usual collocation for "amazon" is "on". Did you mean "on amazon"?
in amazon
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
com
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are doing digital and social media marketing website administrating which is
highly
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on computers.

In conclusion
, increasing popularity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shop grows
rapidly
, the talent which needs to maintain
also
increase and in demand. In my experience, nowadays all the young generation are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
computer literate
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
be employed
quickly
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they graduated.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Online shopping is increasing significantly What the effect might be on the environment and the type of job which were required Give your knowledge and experience v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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