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Online shopping is increasing significantly What the effect might be on the environment and the type of job which were required Give your knowledge and experience v.1

Online shopping is increasing significantly What the effect might be on the environment and the type of job which were required Give your knowledge and experience v. 1
In today's world, more people are inclined towards their career than family, which was not same few decades back. Making children in those times were considered a big issue and very important to lead a happy life. This mindset has changed to a huge extent. Although it still remains an important aspect, but it is not the only way to be successful. This essay would give valid reasons to support the advantages of planning children at a later age. To begin with, people who are educated and well established can take the responsibility of guiding their children sensibly and also provide the financial support to them. They have enough experience which could be useful for their offsprings to have an easy and comfortable livelihood. Unlike children who face day-to-day problems, including financial, health and social. They are the product of very irresponsible parents who did not think about the consequences of their wrong decision. These parents usually are in their 20's and are trying to achieve success in their career by spending long periods at work and almost no time with their family. On the other hand, a couple who plans to have children once they are settled do justice to them by striking a perfect work-life balance. Another benefit of pushing this decision is creating ample space and time for one's self to pursue the career they want. To add to this, let's take an example of a successful person, Steve Jobs, he became popular during 1970's when he with his business partner ruled the technology market for many decades. He had his first child in late 1990's when he had already achieved a mark which everyone today dreams of. It's about focus and determination which gets affected if there is a family who needs an equal attention, hence it becomes extremely difficult to succeed with so much to handle. To summarize, a child should not have a childhood full of worries, struggle and tensions because they were brought into this world by some irresponsible parent, instead they should cherish each and every moment of their life. Couples who are ready to enjoy parenthood and give their child a blissful life should be encouraged for taking a wise decision.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
towards their career than family, which was not same few decades back. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in those times
were considered
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to lead a happy life. This mindset has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to a huge extent. Although it
still
remains an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to be successful. This essay would give valid reasons to support the advantages of planning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at a later age.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are educated
and well established can take the responsibility of guiding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
sensibly
and
also
provide the financial support to them. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experience which could be useful for their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
to have an easy and comfortable livelihood. Unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
face day-to-day problems, including financial, health and social. They are the product of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
irresponsible parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the consequences of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decision. These parents
The adverb 'usually' usually goes after the verb 'are'.
usually are
in their
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "20s".
20's
and are trying to achieve success in their career by spending long periods at work and almost no time with their family.
On the other hand
, a couple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
plans to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
once they
are settled
do justice to them by striking a perfect work-life balance.

Another benefit of pushing this decision is creating ample space and time for one's self to pursue the career they want. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's take an example of a successful person, Steve Jobs, he became popular
The article is probably missing here: "during the 1970's".
during 1970's
when he with his business partner ruled the technology market for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
decades. He had his
first
child in late
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1990s".
1990's
when he had already achieved a mark which everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
dreams of. It's about focus and determination which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
if there is a family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
needs an equal attention,
hence
it becomes
extremely
difficult to succeed with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much to handle.

To summarize
, a child should not have a childhood full of worries, struggle and tensions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
were brought
into this world by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
irresponsible parent,
instead
they should cherish each and every moment of their life. Couples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are ready to enjoy parenthood and give their child a blissful life should
be encouraged
for taking a wise decision.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Online shopping is increasing significantly What the effect might be on the environment and the type of job which were required Give your knowledge and experience v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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