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Online shopping is becoming more common these days. What effect would this have on the environment and the types of jobs required? v.1

Online shopping is becoming more common these days. What effect would this have on the environment and the types of jobs required? v. 1
In recent day, information technology is rapidly developing, along with increasingly popular online purchase channels. Besides the convenience and other benefits, online shopping also affects the environment and job requirements. This essay will discuss and explain this issue. Fist of all, the convenient and popular online shopping make the quantity of goods consumed also rose rapidly. And environment is affected seriously because of rubbish, which is discharged from the production process, transportation and consumption. In order to make a product, it takes a lot of material and energy as well as creating a huge amount of waste such as emissions, wastewater, trash and so on. In fact, many areas close to industrial zones have been polluted. In Vietnam, for example, a part of the South China Sea became a dead sea because no species of plants or animals could survive due to untreated sewage from a factory called Formosa. Furthermore, almost shops and stores have to pack too carefully to ship to consumers, and they usually use plastic, which takes approximately 450 years to decompose. Secondly, online shopping trends also change the types of jobs required, such as personal elements, skills and so on. Because online salesman does not need to meet face-to-face with customers, so the appearance requirements are reduced, becoming no longer vital. Indeed, recruitment criteria for direct sellers usually have good appearances and height standards, but in indirect sales announcements, it requires an easy-listening voice. Besides, information technology skill is not deficient because employees have to work on e-commerce channels and internal system. Even, they should know about digital marketing to promote products and attract buyers. In conclusion, online shopping is an integral part of people today, but it affects deeply the environment and changes the job requirements. Thus, people need to find ways to reduce pollution as well as adapt to new types of jobs required.
In recent day, information technology is
rapidly
developing, along with
increasingly
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
channels.
Besides
the convenience and other benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
also
affects the environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requirements. This essay will discuss and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this issue.

Fist of all, the convenient and popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the quantity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
consumed
also
rose
rapidly
. And environment is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
seriously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of rubbish, which
is discharged
from the production process, transportation and consumption. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a product, it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
material and energy
as well
as creating a huge amount of waste such as emissions, wastewater, trash and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas close to industrial zones have
been polluted
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
Vietnam,
for example
, a part of the South China Sea became a
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
dead sea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no species of plants or animals could survive due to untreated sewage from a factory called Formosa.
Furthermore
, almost shops and stores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pack too
carefully
to ship to consumers, and they
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
plastic, which takes approximately 450 years to decompose.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
trends
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
required, such as personal elements,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
salesman does not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
face-to-face with customers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the appearance requirements are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, becoming no longer vital.
Indeed
, recruitment criteria for direct sellers
usually
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
appearances and height standards,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in indirect sales announcements, it requires an easy-listening voice.
Besides
, information technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is not deficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work on e-commerce channels and internal system. Even, they should know about digital marketing to promote products and attract buyers.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is an integral part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it affects
deeply
the environment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requirements.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to find ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
pollution
as well
as adapt to new types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
required.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Online shopping is becoming more common these days. What effect would this have on the environment and the types of jobs required? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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