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Some people believe that advertising to children is harmful and should be banned, while others disagree. Discuss these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that advertising to children is harmful and should be banned, while others disagree. Discuss these views and give your own opinion. v. 1
In today's fast-paced world, advertising has become one of the most effective methods of promoting new products and services. It is often argued that there are many drawbacks related to advertising aimed at children. However, opponents consider that advertising which is focused on children has positive effects on them. In this essay, I am going to discuss this question from both points of view and extend my support to the first opinion. On the one hand, it is clear that choosing children as the target of the advertising industry is harmful for them. To begin with, children do not think carefully when they see television advertisements because of lack maturity. For example, they usually cannot determine that the advertisement has a persuasive message to encourage them or their parents to spend as much money as possible. Moreover, children watch an advertisement in the same way as any entertainment programme because it is engaging and attention-grabbing. As a result, TV commercials lead to children's health and behaviour problems. On the other hand, some people argue that children-targeted advertisements have many advantages. Firstly, parents can pay attention to products that are useful for their children thanks to TV commercials. For instance, various children's brands, such as clothing, food or drinks advertised on TV, will help parents find out which goods are best for their children to buy. Secondly, children will be more inspired, creative and imaginative if they constantly watch an advertisement because it is exciting, eye-catching and has extremely colourful images. Thus, they will become more innovative and energetic humans when they grow up. In conclusion, although advertising can be beneficial for children in some aspects, I tend to believe that it has many serious negative consequences and should be eradicated.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world, advertising has become one of the most effective methods of promoting new products and services. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks related to advertising aimed at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, opponents consider that advertising which
is focused
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on them. In this essay, I am going to discuss this question from both points of view and extend my support to the
first
opinion.

On the one hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as the target of the advertising industry is harmful for them. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carefully
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack maturity.
For example
, they
usually
cannot determine that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
has a persuasive message to encourage them or their parents to spend as much money as possible.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
in the same way
as any entertainment
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is engaging and attention-grabbing.
As a result
, TV commercials lead to children's health and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
problems.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that children-targeted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.
Firstly
, parents can pay attention to products that are useful for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
thanks to TV commercials.
For instance
, various children's brands, such as clothing, food or drinks advertised on TV, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
parents find out which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are best for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be more inspired, creative and imaginative if they
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is exciting, eye-catching and has
extremely
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
images.
Thus
, they will become more innovative and energetic humans when they grow up.

In conclusion
, although advertising can be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects, I tend to believe that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences and should
be eradicated
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that advertising to children is harmful and should be banned, while others disagree. Discuss these views and give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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