Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

One of the major problems facing the world today is the growing number of refugees. The developed nations in the world should tackle this problem by taking more refugees. v.3

One of the major problems facing the world today is the growing number of refugees. The developed nations in the world should tackle this problem by taking more refugees. v. 3
The recent political unrest, war and the rise of a few terrorist groups have made many people become refugees and this is a global problem. As an immediate solution, many express their view that rich countries should allow more evacuees to enter their border to reduce the severity of this crisis. However, accepting a higher number of migrants by the developed countries is not a viable solution to this refugee crisis, in my opinion. Worldwide refugees and their constant sufferings are often reported on TV. At a first look, it might seem that industrialised countries can easily solve this emergency and sufferings by allowing more refugee immigrants to enter their countries. In reality, this is certainly not an easy solution. If we only look at the few recent catastrophic events that the migrant refugees have caused, it would become clear why the governments in developed countries are unwavering to accept more people to their countries. Besides, historically, it is evident that only granting more refugees in other countries does not solve the problem, in some cases, it actually deteriorates it. Due to the humanitarian reasons, developed countries should help destitute and needy people. It is no longer possible, unlike the past, to ignore what happens on the other side of the world. This is partly a moral issue and partly because it is in the self-economic interest of the industrialised countries. Considering this, a practical way of reducing the severity of this crisis would be to accept more refugees, particularly when it is caused by a natural disaster and civil war. From a more practical point of view, mass immigrations would bring more negative effects. Solving the root cause of the outbreaks of refugees is a far better way than allowing them freely migrate to developed countries. On a practical level, homeless refugees are sometimes better off receiving aid in their homeland than suffering racism and begging on the streets in a country where they cannot speak the language. To conclude, affluent countries should take refugees but only in extreme cases and should focus on solving the primary reason behind the refugee issue. Sometimes funds and aids for refugees in their local area are far more beneficial than accepting them as migrants and finally forcing them to beg on the street.
The recent political unrest, war and the rise of a few terrorist groups have made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
and this is a global problem. As an immediate solution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
express their view that rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
more evacuees to enter their border to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the severity of this crisis.
However
, accepting a higher number of migrants by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is not a viable solution to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugee
crisis, in my opinion.

Worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
and their constant sufferings are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
reported on TV. At a
first
look, it might seem that
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
easily
solve this emergency and sufferings by allowing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugee
immigrants to enter their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In reality, this is
certainly
not an easy solution. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
look at the few recent catastrophic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that the migrant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
have caused, it would become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are unwavering to accept more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Besides
,
historically
, it is evident that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
granting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
does not solve the problem, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, it actually deteriorates it.

Due to the humanitarian reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
destitute and needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It is no longer possible, unlike the past, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
what happens on the other side of the world. This is partly a moral issue and partly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is in the self-economic interest of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Considering this, a practical way of reducing the severity of this crisis would be to accept more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
,
particularly
when it
is caused
by a natural disaster and civil war.

From a more practical point of view, mass
Possible spelling mistake found.
immigrations
would bring more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. Solving the root cause of the outbreaks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
is a far better way than allowing them
freely
migrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. On a practical level, homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
better off receiving aid in their homeland than suffering racism and begging on the streets in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where they cannot speak the language.

To conclude
, affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in extreme cases and should focus on solving the primary reason behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugee
issue.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
funds and aids for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
in their local area are far more beneficial than accepting them as migrants and
finally
forcing them to beg on the street.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay One of the major problems facing the world today is the growing number of refugees. The developed nations in the world should tackle this problem by taking more refugees. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
381 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts