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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
The medical world is constantly evolving and progressing. One of the results of such improvement is longevity and an increase in the average number of living years, I believe the positive points of this advancement is far greater than the drawbacks. Loosing loved ones is extremely difficult and the depression that follows is unbearable and hard to overcome at times. therefore, during these troublesome periods, it is difficult to maintain a normal routine. these days thanks to medical progress this issue has been reduced and the constant fear of someone’s passing has fortunately decreased. One of the other benefits of this development in medicine is the extended time we will have with the people around us. We will have the opportunity to learn about their past and experiences. For example, grandmas and grandpas are the sources of wisdom which we can apply to our own life. On the other hand, prolonging living years has some negative points. One of them is the cost of financial support for seniors. Whether they live in nursing homes or by themselves, there will be a rise in fiscal responsibilities of government and individual households mainly because they will require special care as they age. Another negative impact is the growing number of the older population and a decrease in the energetic workforce. even though some senior citizens are still able to work due to risen retirement age, but they may not be able to perform their duties as well as before. For instance, older people may have enough job experiences however as technology improves, it continues to be more difficult for them to keep up with advanced machines and soft wares. To conclude, the profits of advanced medical treatments lead to a raised lifespan. I believe this trend creates chances to take advantage of our predecessors’ knowledge and wisdom and spend more quality time with them.
The medical world is
constantly
evolving and progressing. One of the results of such improvement is longevity and an increase in the average number of living years, I believe the
positive
points of this advancement is far greater than the drawbacks.

Loosing
loved
ones is
extremely
difficult and the depression that follows is unbearable and
hard
to overcome at times.
therefore
, during these troublesome periods, it is difficult to maintain a normal routine.
these
days
thanks
to medical progress this issue has been
reduced
and the constant fear of someone’s passing has
fortunately
decreased. One of the other benefits of this development in medicine is the extended time we will have with the
people
around us. We will have the opportunity to learn about their past and experiences.
For example
, grandmas and grandpas are the sources of wisdom which we can apply to our
own
life.

On the other hand
, prolonging living years has
some
negative
points. One of them is the cost of financial support for seniors. Whether they
live
in nursing homes or by themselves, there will be a rise in fiscal responsibilities of
government
and individual households
mainly
because
they will require special care as they age. Another
negative
impact is the growing number of the older population and a decrease in the energetic workforce.
even
though
some
senior citizens are
still
able to work due to risen retirement age,
but
they may not be able to perform their duties
as well
as
before
.
For instance
, older
people
may have
enough
job experiences
however
as technology
improves
, it continues to be more difficult for them to
keep
up with advanced machines and soft wares.

To conclude
, the profits of advanced medical treatments lead to a raised lifespan. I believe this trend creates chances to take advantage of our predecessors’ knowledge and wisdom and spend more quality time with them.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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