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Caring for children is very important for our society. Therefore all mother's and father's should take a child care training course. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Caring for children is very important for our society. Therefore all mother's and father's should take a child care training course. v. 1
Raising children is a huge responsibility in today's modern world. Parents are the first teachers to their children, they should take proper care of them. Caring for children is an important responsibility. Children are the future of their house and the nation so proper affection should be given to them. I feel that there's no need for parents to take a child care training course. Parents know how to nurture their children. Human values can be taught, but love and emotion are something which is within us. Even though they don't have any knowledge of raising children they have their parents who are there to advise and help them. Grand parents of the children support them at least in the initial stage. They are always there to guide the parents. Similarly, any elder member of the family can also help in the matter. They are the best compared to the training course as they have had hands on experience. Taking care of children is like an inbuilt knowledge of all the species on earth. For example, animals looking after their younger ones. Nobody teaches the animals or birds to take care of their children. Birds take care of their offsprings and nurture them up to a certain age, they teach them to fly, catch prey and other basic things to sustain life. Even the tiniest insects like ants also care for their little one's. The difference between them and us is the time period. Every parent wants their children to be the best. They will naturally do the best that they can do. There's no need for anybody to train them. In spite of doing all this there may be some mistakes, but they are negligible. Thus, there's no requirement of special training course for parents.
Raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a huge responsibility in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are the
first
teachers to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they should take proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them. Caring for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
responsibility.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the future of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and the nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
proper affection should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them. I feel that there's no need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to take a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
training course.

Parents know how to nurture their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Human values can
be taught
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and emotion are something which is within us.
Even though
they don't have any knowledge of raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are there to advise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them. Grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
support them at least in the initial stage. They are always there to guide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Similarly
, any elder member of the family can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the matter. They are the best compared to the training course as they have had hands on experience.

Taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is like an inbuilt knowledge of all the species on earth.
For example
, animals looking after their younger ones. Nobody teaches the animals or birds to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Birds take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
and nurture them up to a certain age, they teach them to
fly
, catch prey and other basic things to sustain life. Even the tiniest insects like ants
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
one's. The difference between them and us is the time period.

Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
wants their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be the best. They will
naturally
do the best that they can do. There's no need for anybody to train them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
doing all this there may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mistakes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are negligible.
Thus
, there's no requirement of special training course for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Caring for children is very important for our society. Therefore all mother's and father's should take a child care training course. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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