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15 Traffic and housing problems are major cities could be solved by moving a large company and factories and their employees to the countryside. To what extend, did you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.1

15 Traffic and housing problems are major cities could be solved by moving a large company and factories and their employees to the countryside. v. 1
With the industrialization, traffic congestion and lack of residences have become two top issues for local city governments in many metropolitans. Therefore, some people advocates that relocating large companies or factories to rural regions may one of excellent strategies in order to settle these two issues. I definitely support this suggestion and the essay will discuss my opinion. To begin with, relocating larger firms and factories from inner cities will significantly relieve the burden on traffic system. The traffic volume will be reduced and traffic jams may be prevented because thousands of employees will no longer need to commute to inner cities for their jobs daily. As a result, traffic flow will become smooth there. For example, after Edmonton international airport has been relocated out of the downtown Edmonton, traffic  problem in the area has been improved significantly there for local residents in downtown Edmonton. In addition, shifting factories and larger companies away from urban areas will improve the quality of life for local residents by reducing air pollution and providing more spaces for residential housing and facilities. For instance, air pollution will be improved due to less vehicles on the inner roads and  elimination of  toxic gas emission from factories in inner cities. Local government will have more land spaces available to develop more residential buildings,   more shopping  malls and  parks, which  will contribute local economic development as well. In summary, the strategy of relocating large companies and factories from inner cities will improve local residential living environment  by reducing traffic volume. Moreover, the strategy also enhances local economic prosperity by providing more spaces available for development of residential housing, shopping mall and parks.
With the industrialization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion and lack of residences have become two top issues for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
metropolitans.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
advocates
that relocating large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
to rural regions may one of excellent strategies in order to settle these two issues. I definitely support this suggestion and the essay will discuss my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, relocating larger firms and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
from inner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will
significantly
relieve the burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
system. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
volume will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and
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traffic
jams may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
thousands of employees will no longer need to commute to inner
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cities
for their jobs daily.
As a result
,
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traffic
flow will become smooth there.
For example
, after Edmonton international airport has
been relocated
out of the downtown Edmonton, traffic
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
problem in the area has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
significantly
there for
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local
residents in downtown Edmonton.

In addition
, shifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
and larger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
away from urban areas will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
 the quality of life for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents by reducing air pollution and providing more spaces for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
housing and facilities.
For instance
, air pollution will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
due to
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun vehicles is countable.
less
vehicles on the inner roads and
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
elimination of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
toxic gas emission from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
in inner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
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Local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will have more land spaces available to develop more
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residential
buildings,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
more shopping
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
malls and
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
parks, which
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
will contribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economic development
as well
.

In summary, the strategy of relocating large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
from inner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
living environment
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
by reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
volume.
Moreover
, the strategy
also
 enhances local economic prosperity by providing more spaces available for development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
housing, shopping mall and parks.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay 15 Traffic and housing problems are major cities could be solved by moving a large company and factories and their employees to the countryside. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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