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Once children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Once children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development. v. 1
When children start school they spend much time in the classroom around teachers and fellow students where they learn new knowledge and also learn how to interact with other students. I agree that teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development because of the amount of time the teacher spends with the students. I will highlight a few examples in my essay. In school, they participate in social activities and perform several tasks in groups. For instance, the student usually joins a certain jet club where they demonstrate their creative skills and learn the value of collaboration. The students also participate in cultural dance where they learn and practice different cultures in Nigeria. This exercise is crucial to their social development because it would help them to appreciate the diverse cultures in society and respect different beliefs held by people from different ethnic background. Modern schools these days have sophisticated learning tools to help accelerate learning in the classroom. For example, the learning field school located in Nigeria distributed smart tablet devices that contain high fidelity graphics to aid in biology practice. With the help of teachers acting as facilitators, this exercise has led to a significant increase in the success rate of the student academically. Furthermore, teachers have also provided counselling to children that have faced depression and bullying from their peers better that their parent could have been able to. For example, children tend to keep a lot from their parent and find it easier to communicate with the teacher. In conclusion, teachers have vast experience in managing students and are able to facilitate effective learning and nurture social development in children.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
they spend much time in the classroom around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and fellow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new knowledge and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to interact with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have more influence on their intellectual and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the amount of time the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
spends with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. I will highlight a few examples in my essay.

In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities and perform several tasks in groups.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joins
a certain jet club where they demonstrate their creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the value of collaboration. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
participate in cultural dance where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and practice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures in Nigeria. This exercise is crucial to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to appreciate the diverse cultures in society and respect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
beliefs held by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ethnic background.

Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
these days have sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
tools to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
accelerate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
in the classroom.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
located in Nigeria distributed smart tablet devices that contain high fidelity graphics to aid in biology practice. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
acting as facilitators, this exercise has led to a significant increase in the success rate of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
academically
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have
also
provided counselling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that have faced depression and bullying from their peers better that their parent could have been able to.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a lot from their parent and find it easier to communicate with the teacher.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have vast experience in managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and are able to facilitate effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and nurture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Once children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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