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In spite of the many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

In spite of the many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace? v. 2
In many parts of the world, there is now greater equality between working men and women. Nevertheless, women still tend to earn less and enjoy fewer promotions than men. Some would argue that this situation will correct itself over time. However, in my view, there is much that can be done to address the problem constructively. One possible approach would be for governments to force employers to promote the same numbers of men and women and to pay them the same salaries. This would certainly tackle the problem quickly. However, measures like this would probably be seen as excessive and difficult to enforce. A more feasible approach would be for governments themselves to take the lead in ensuring that their male and female employees earn the same for equivalent work and that women are promoted fairly. This would help to establish gender equality as a norm and set a good example for companies in the private sector. Countries, such as Sweden and Iceland, which have done this, are often regarded by others as socially-advanced models. To further encourage equality, companies could be required to publish figures on the rank another solution and average earnings of men and women in their workforce. Evidence of large inequality would create a bad impression. In order to avoid bad publicity, companies might consider it worthwhile to pay fairer wages and promote more women to management positions. The problem of gender inequality in the workplace will probably not be solved quickly. However, that is not a reason to avoid taking action. Governments can encourage change by showing the way forward and taking advantage of the need for companies to present themselves as fair and reasonable.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
greater equality between working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
still
tend to earn less and enjoy fewer promotions than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that this situation will correct itself over time.
However
, in my view, there is much that can
be done
to address the problem
constructively
.

One possible approach would be for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to force employers to promote the same numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and to pay them the same salaries. This would
certainly
tackle the problem
quickly
.
However
, measures like this would
probably
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as excessive and difficult to enforce.

A more feasible approach would be for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
themselves to take the lead in ensuring that their male and female employees earn the same for equivalent work and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are promoted
fairly
. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to establish gender equality as a norm and set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in the private sector. Countries, such as Sweden and Iceland, which have done this, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
regarded by others as
socially
-advanced models.

To
further
encourage equality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
could
be required
to publish figures on the rank another solution and average earnings of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in their workforce. Evidence of large inequality would create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impression. In order to avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
publicity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
might consider it worthwhile to pay fairer wages and promote more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to management positions.

The problem of gender inequality in the workplace will
probably
not
be solved
quickly
.
However
,
that is
not a reason to avoid taking action.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
can encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
by showing the way forward and taking advantage of the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to present themselves as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
and reasonable.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of the many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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