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Obesity is an increasing public health related problem in some parts of the world. Explain some possible reasons for this problem, and suggest some solutions. v.1

Obesity is an increasing public health related problem in some parts of the world. Explain some possible reasons for this problem, and suggest some solutions. v. 1
In recent years, the increasing number of obesity is becoming a serious social issue all over the globe. So, it would be meaningful to discuss why such a problem has occurred and to suggest how to deal with this matter. In the first place, it is needless to say that addicts of computer and mobile phone are highly likely to gain the overweigh than other people in that such people commonly used to the sedentary lifestyle, and they even did not try to work out. According to a recent survey, the growing number of people spend their time in playing computer games and watching 'YouTube' at least more three times in a day. In naturally leads people are becoming fat and has unhealthy habits. Secondly, due to people' chronic busyness, many people enjoy having the fast meal and canned food than making cuisine at their home in a healthy way. They do not have sufficient time of cooking themselves with healthy ingredients. Many individuals are highly likely to choose the fast food despite they already knew it has harmful effects on their health and make them obesity. Under this situation, I firmly of the opinion that the power of the government is necessary. Firstly, several authorities which have undergone the increases of the citizen' obesity rate should frequently release the advertising about how important the regular exercise habits and how to prevent of being obesity. In this way, people are highly likely to be stimulated by the propaganda and to discourage the citizen from consuming from a lot of sugar-additive foods. Another point worth mentioning is that the government should build the gym-related infrastructures. As widely reported, many people have difficulties in exercising due to the weather' condition as well as the gym classes are not economic prices, and they do not want to spend a lot of money on such gym institutions. So, it cannot help establishing the gym buildings which are cleaner, wider and reasonable costs. Then, a number of people will register and exercise for their health in that they do not need to struggle with the weather and high expense. In conclusion, there are several causes and provocations which can raise weigh of people. But, I am personally convinced that the government should tackle this matters and take countermeasures in an effective way.
In recent years, the increasing number of obesity is becoming a serious social issue all over the globe.
So
, it would be meaningful to discuss why such a problem has occurred and to suggest how to deal with this matter.

In the
first
place, it is needless to say that addicts of computer and mobile phone are
highly
likely to gain the
overweigh
than other
people
in that such
people
commonly
used
to the sedentary lifestyle, and they even did not try to work out. According to a recent survey, the growing number of
people
spend their time in playing computer games and watching 'YouTube' at least more three times in a day. In
naturally
leads
people
are becoming
fat
and has unhealthy habits.
Secondly
, due to
people
' chronic busyness,
many
people
enjoy having the
fast
meal and canned food than making cuisine at their home
in a healthy way
. They do not have sufficient time of cooking themselves with healthy ingredients.
Many
individuals are
highly
likely to choose the
fast
food despite they already knew it has harmful effects on their health and
make
them obesity.

Under this situation, I
firmly
of the opinion that the power of the
government
is necessary.
Firstly
, several authorities which have undergone the increases of the citizen' obesity rate should
frequently
release the advertising about how
important
the regular exercise habits and how to
prevent
of being obesity. In this way,
people
are
highly
likely to
be stimulated
by the propaganda and to discourage the citizen from consuming from
a lot of
sugar-additive foods. Another point worth mentioning is that the
government
should build the gym-related infrastructures. As
widely
reported,
many
people
have difficulties in exercising due to the weather' condition
as well
as the gym classes are not economic prices, and they do not want to spend
a lot of
money on such gym institutions.
So
, it cannot
help
establishing the gym buildings which are cleaner, wider and reasonable costs. Then, a number of
people
will register and exercise for their health in that they do not need to struggle with the weather and high expense.

In conclusion
, there are several causes and provocations which can raise weigh of
people
.
But
, I am
personally
convinced that the
government
should tackle this matters and take countermeasures
in an effective way
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Obesity is an increasing public health related problem in some parts of the world. Explain some possible reasons for this problem, and suggest some solutions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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