Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Owing to urbanization and industrialization, there has been a dramatic rise in obesity among people of all age groups particularly in the developed countries like the United Kingdom and the USA. This essay sheds light on the issue and will offer solutions for the same. Firstly, the surge in popularity of technological advancements and innovation among youngsters have made them less inclined to indulge in physical exercise and sports activities. For instance, a survey conducted in the University of Cambridge revealed that 68% of teenagers professed that they prefer staying at home playing computer games rather than playing outside with their peers. This attitude and lack of exercise has led to a drastic rise in obesity among young people. Moreover, commercialization has also significantly contributed to this problem. Multi-national companies all over the world encourage people to purchase their products through attractive advertisements, irrespective of the health hazards they may cause. For instance, there has been a worldwide enormous growth in sales of Lays Chips and Coca-Cola, especially in the rich countries. The aforementioned evidence shows that obesity is on the rise in several regions of the world. In order to solve this issue, schools should make it compulsory for all pupils to participate in a physical sport every day. In addition, they should conduct awareness programs educating them about the harmful effects of obesity and other health hazards associated with it. Also, parents should strictly monitor the amount of time their child spends on playing video games. The government should increase the price of all forms of junk food, thereby increasing the tax on these products and making it less affordable. To conclude, if the appropriate measures taken by teachers, parents and the local authorities, the rise of obesity will reduce in the developed world.
Owing to urbanization and industrialization, there has been a dramatic
rise
in obesity among
people
of all age groups
particularly
in the
developed countries
like the United Kingdom and the USA. This essay sheds light on the issue and will offer solutions for the same.

Firstly
, the surge in popularity of technological advancements and innovation among youngsters have made them less inclined to indulge in physical exercise and sports activities.
For instance
, a survey conducted in the University of Cambridge revealed that 68% of
teenagers
professed that they prefer staying at home playing computer games
rather
than playing outside with their peers. This attitude and lack of exercise has led to a drastic
rise
in obesity among young
people
.
Moreover
, commercialization has
also
significantly
contributed to this problem. Multi-national
companies
all over the world encourage
people
to
purchase
their products through attractive advertisements, irrespective of the health hazards they may cause.
For instance
, there has been a worldwide enormous growth in sales of Lays Chips and Coca-Cola,
especially
in the rich countries. The aforementioned evidence
shows
that obesity is on the
rise
in several regions of the world.

In order to solve this issue, schools should
make
it compulsory for all pupils to participate in a physical sport every day.
In addition
, they should conduct awareness programs educating them about the harmful effects of obesity and other health hazards associated with it.
Also
, parents should
strictly
monitor the amount of time their child spends on playing video games. The
government
should increase the price of all forms of junk food, thereby increasing the tax on these products and making it less affordable.

To conclude
, if the appropriate measures taken by teachers, parents and the local authorities, the
rise
of obesity will
reduce
in the developed world.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts