Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.4

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 4
These days and ages, with the advent of urbanization and the rise in popularity of fast food, the rate of overweight people are growing. This problem is specifically relevant and even prevalent across the affluent nations. Now in this essay we will certainly analyse and figure out a way to solve this problem. To begin with, we cannot deny the fact that fast food is incredibly popular in wealthy countries like USA and England. Indeed, in these developed countries, food advertising often encourages people to purchase sugary drinks, high-fat snacks and other unhealthy food. This situation is compounded by the fact that individuals in these nations suffer from the lack of proper guidance about the nutritional value of the food being consumed by the consumers on a large scale and they also are not aware of health risks. Therefore, a bad eating habits are followed by these unaware people. Moreover, a sedentary form of lifestyle is another major reason that leads to obesity. The people who spend long hours doing work and are stuck behind a desk are more likely to engage in an overweight problem. Notwithstanding the severity of the fatness problem, however, there are a number of ways in which developed countries could combat it more effectively. Firstly, governments should raise public awareness about the harms caused by fatty foods and encourages them to have a sensible eating plan. Junk food advertising should be tightly controlled or banned by government altogether. Furthermore, people who suffer from sedentary lifestyle should be encouraged to do exercise on a daily basis. This physical activity might help people to burn off some calories. For instance, people are prone to obesity problem should be have easy and instant access to public exercise centres that are provided and advertised by governments. In conclusion, although fatness is a dire issue in the developed world, if the above mentioned steps are taken, the situation will surely improve in the near future.
These days and ages, with the advent of urbanization and the rise in popularity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, the rate of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are growing. This problem is
specifically
relevant and even prevalent across the affluent nations.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
in this essay we will
certainly
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
and figure out a way to solve this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we cannot deny the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
incredibly
popular in wealthy countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
and England.
Indeed
, in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
sugary drinks, high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
snacks and other unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This situation
is compounded
by the fact that individuals in these nations suffer from the lack of proper guidance about the nutritional value of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
being consumed
by the consumers on a large
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
scale and
they
also
are not aware of health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
Therefore
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "habit"?
habits
are followed
by these unaware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, a sedentary form of lifestyle is another major reason that leads to obesity. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spend long hours doing work and
are stuck
behind a desk are more likely to engage in an overweight problem.

Notwithstanding the severity of the fatness problem,
however
, there are a number of ways in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
could combat it more
effectively
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should raise public awareness about the harms caused by fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and encourages them to have a sensible eating plan. Junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertising should be
tightly
controlled or banned by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
altogether.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffer from sedentary lifestyle should
be encouraged
to do exercise on a daily basis. This physical activity might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to burn off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
calories.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are prone to obesity problem should be
Consider using the past participle "had"?
have
easy and instant access to public exercise
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
that
are provided
and advertised by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

In conclusion
, although fatness is a dire issue in the developed world, if the above mentioned steps
are taken
, the situation will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in the near future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts