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Nowdays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get local to visit museums and historical sites more? v.2

Nowdays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get local to visit museums and historical sites more? v. 2
Landmarks and museums, in the present context, are widely popular among the foreigners besides the local residents. Globalization is the main cause while awareness regarding the importance of sites is a most for promoting locally. World has become a smaller place as a rapid advancement in the technology and access to internet. Peoples nowadays leaves no stones unturned with respect to fulfilling their interest and eagerness. Peoples escape their hectic schedule schedules travelling to same exotic places within or overseas. In addition to that, the historians and anthropologists have now easy access to any desired nook and corner in the world. Thus, museums and historical sites become the part of their excursion, either primary or tertiary, among many other destinations. For example, a recent report by BBC concluded that, on an average 60 percent of every white colored professionals are found in an abroad family trip once in every two month. Local people needs to be made aware regarding the importance of their history, culture and legacy. Awareness campaign among all age groups, especially focusing on youths and children, can be a major stopgap measure highlighting the relevance of promoting their culture and history through museums. In addition to that, the management and operational aspects of the property could be shared among the locals and authority. This may help generate we-feeling among the locals resulting promotion of institutions locally along with maintaining social integrity and security. To my perspective, handling over the operation and maintenance aspect to the local community could garnish the local visitors significantly. To sum up, museums and places with historical values are widely popular among the outsiders. Easy access and change in travelling habits are the major driving force, however, awareness campaigns and local management roles can help influence the domestic tourism.
Landmarks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, in the present context, are
widely
popular among the foreigners
besides
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents. Globalization is the main cause while awareness regarding the importance of sites is a most for promoting
locally
.

World has become a smaller place as a rapid advancement in the technology and access to internet. Peoples nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
no stones unturned with respect to fulfilling their interest and eagerness. Peoples escape their hectic schedule schedules travelling to same exotic places within or overseas.
In addition
to that, the historians and anthropologists have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
easy access to any desired nook and corner in the world.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and historical sites become the part of their excursion, either primary or tertiary, among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other destinations.
For example
, a recent report by BBC concluded that, on an average 60 percent of every white colored professionals
are found
in an abroad family trip once in every two month.

Local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
needs
to
be made
aware regarding the importance of their history, culture and legacy. Awareness campaign among all age groups,
especially
focusing on youths and children, can be a major stopgap measure highlighting the relevance of promoting their culture and history through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
In addition
to that, the management and operational aspects of the property could
be shared
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
and authority. This may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
generate we-feeling among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
resulting promotion of institutions
locally
along with maintaining social integrity and security. To my perspective, handling over the operation and maintenance aspect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community could garnish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
visitors
significantly
.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and places with historical values are
widely
popular among the outsiders. Easy access and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in travelling habits are the major driving force,
however
, awareness campaigns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
management roles can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
influence the domestic tourism.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowdays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get local to visit museums and historical sites more? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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