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More and more business meetings and business training have taken place on the internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

More and more business meetings and business training have taken place on the internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Due to the rapid advancement in technology, the use of internet has increased. Although employment or business conference and profession orientation are possible due to online services. If asked, I tend to believe that it has a more fruitful outcomes than demerits and the reason for why I believe so is analysed further. Discussing the merits, the foremost one is that calling a meeting or discussing online enables people to save more time and work with more comfort. For example, a meeting can be delayed due to terrible traffic jam which makes people going to the workplace late, especially the meeting is called overseas. Moreover, earlier, employees used to spend most of their time travelling from one place to another place for business meetings. But today's advance technology such as Skype and Google saves time and reduces the overall cost for companies. To add to the mentioned benefits, online coaching saves time as well as money. There are numerous courses available for free basis. These is help in gaining knowledge at any place. For instance, some large business companies organize a training in an area in which training has to spend a budget and other free services for the employee, Furthermore, online orientation helps the environment issue. People stay in their learning and the demand of using vehicles will be decreased. On the contrary, there are few disadvantages. The principle cons is online platform has a reduced brotherhood among the employees, which influences on teamwork. Finally, the internet connection has an imperative role in the online discussion. Therefore, it can be implied that if the internet connection is interrupted, the discussion can be delayed. In conclusion, even though the internet has affirmative advantages to enterprises, I reckon that the benefit of this phenomenon is more than the disadvantages.
Due to the rapid advancement in technology, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet has increased. Although employment or business conference and profession orientation are possible due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
services. If asked, I tend to believe that it has a more fruitful outcomes than demerits and the reason for why I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
further
.

Discussing the merits, the foremost one is that calling a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
or discussing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
enables
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to save more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and work with more comfort.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
can
be delayed
due to terrible traffic jam which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
going to the workplace late,
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
is called
overseas.
Moreover
, earlier, employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
travelling from one place to another place for business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's advance technology such as Skype and Google saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
overall
cost for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to the mentioned benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
coaching saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as well
as money. There are numerous courses available for free basis.
The verb 'is' is singular. Did you mean: "This is" or "These am", "These are", "These aren"?
These is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in gaining knowledge at any place.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
large business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
organize a training in an area in which training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend a budget and other free services for the employee,
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
orientation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the environment issue.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
stay in their learning and the demand of using vehicles will
be decreased
.

On the contrary
, there are few disadvantages. The principle cons is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platform has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
brotherhood among the employees, which influences on teamwork.
Finally
, the internet connection has an imperative role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
discussion.
Therefore
, it can
be implied
that if the internet connection
is interrupted
, the discussion can
be delayed
.

In conclusion
,
even though
the internet has affirmative advantages to enterprises, I reckon that the benefit of this phenomenon is more than the disadvantages.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more business meetings and business training have taken place on the internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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