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Nowadays, when people have to travel abroad for work, many take their family members with them on the business trip. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the individual and his or her family members who travel together? v.1

Nowadays, when people have to travel abroad for work, many take their family members with them on the business trip. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the individual and his or her family members who travel together? v. 1
Many people today decide to take their families overseas with them when they go on business trips. This development is advantageous to the whole family as they can spend time together and do not have to be separated. However, the consequences are the costs involved and wasting the time of the other family members. On the one hand, individuals and families are always delighted to travel together. Travelling abroad is an enriching and entertaining experience which is beneficial to families, specifically for children, as they get to see other countries with their parents and make beautiful memories. Furthermore, since business trips happen often nowadays, individuals and families do not have to miss each other and instead spend more time together. For instance, if all individuals decided to go on trips alone and their work involved a lot of travelling, then this would have a detrimental effect on families and they would become estranged. Despite the aforementioned advantages, there are some drawbacks. Firstly, travelling overseas can be costly, especially for large families. This can negatively affect the family’s budget and is considered overspending. For instance, the money spent on travelling could have been spent on something more important. In the worst cases, this can lead to debt and poverty. Secondly, excessive travelling is exhausting to spouses and children. Spouses would have to take days off work which would severely affect their careers and success. Regarding children, a lot of vacations would mean taking days off school which is disadvantageous to their education as they cannot study, and therefore, might fail their examinations. To conclude, although the habit of going on business trips with families seems like an attractive and fun idea, it has numerous drawbacks to both individuals and their families.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
decide to take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
overseas with them when they go on business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
. This development is advantageous to the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as they can spend time together and do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be separated
.
However
, the consequences are the costs involved and wasting the time of the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are always delighted to travel together.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelling
abroad is an enriching and entertaining experience which is beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
specifically
for children, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
other countries with their parents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
memories.
Furthermore
, since business
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trips
happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
nowadays,
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individuals
and
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families
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
miss each other and
instead
spend more time together.
For instance
, if all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
decided to go on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
alone and their work involved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
, then this would have a detrimental effect on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
families and
they would become estranged.

Despite the aforementioned advantages, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
overseas can be costly,
especially
for large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. This can
negatively
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
budget and
is considered
overspending.
For instance
, the money spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
could have
been spent
on something more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In the worst cases, this can lead to debt and poverty.
Secondly
, excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is exhausting to spouses and children. Spouses would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take days off work which would
severely
affect their careers and success. Regarding children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
vacations would mean taking days off school which is disadvantageous to their education as they cannot study, and
therefore
, might fail their examinations.

To conclude
, although the habit of going on business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
seems like an attractive and fun
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, it has numerous drawbacks to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Nowadays, when people have to travel abroad for work, many take their family members with them on the business trip. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the individual and his or her family members who travel together? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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