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Now a days individual take their family with them to abroad whenever they go for business trip. What are the advantage and disadvantages on individual and his family? v.1

Now a days individual take their family with them to abroad whenever they go for business trip. What are the advantage and disadvantages on individual and his family? v. 1
The effectiveness of travelling with the family on a business trip is debatable. Some people believe that it is much more effective than travelling alone a corporate trip while others do not. This essay will discuss the advantage and disadvantages of carrying family with them while travelling around the world. There are two primary reasons why having a family while travelling abroad is more advantageous than travel alone. Firstly, travel allows them to meet people of different culture, being exposed to the new culture eventually shifts one paradigm and create a healthier perspective once you back home, for example, on our trip to Kuwait my family learn the Arabic civilization indeed they really praise their living style. Secondly, breaking up the monotony, after stepping away from the home it will greatly enhance the children's attitude and productivity once you back home, for instance, a research show that, a family travelling together manage to reduce their family related stress more than an individual. Conversely, the main challenges that travellers will face while overseas with family will usually from their security and special consideration. Moreover, these differences can pose a massive obstacle for people because it requires one to move beyond familiarity and into the unknown which can be often be dependable and quite scary, For instance, it is significant to have a kid's wading pool or room with kid's desired equipments when travelling with toddlers. Overall, an individual often finds himself in a challenging situation when accompanying with family. In conclusion, travelling with family has become incredibly common. While no doubt security and consideration, it is in fact, these barriers will lead two main advantages of touring which is a different culture and breaking up the monotony. As a contradiction of sorts, it is the hardship that ultimately makes the struggle more advantages than disadvantages.
The effectiveness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
on a business trip is debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is much more effective than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
alone a corporate trip while others do not. This essay will discuss the advantage and disadvantages of carrying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with them while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
around the world.

There are two primary reasons why having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
abroad is more advantageous than travel alone.
Firstly
, travel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture,
being exposed
to the new culture
eventually
shifts one paradigm and create a healthier perspective once you back home,
for example
, on our trip to Kuwait my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
learn the Arabic civilization
indeed
they
really
praise their living style.
Secondly
, breaking up the monotony, after stepping away from the home it will
greatly
enhance the children's attitude and productivity once you back home,
for instance
, a research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
together manage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
more than an individual.

Conversely
, the main challenges that
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
will face while overseas with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will
usually
from their security and special consideration.
Moreover
, these differences can pose a massive obstacle for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it requires one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
beyond familiarity and into the unknown which can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
be dependable and quite scary,
For instance
, it is significant to have a kid's wading pool or room with kid's desired equipments when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
with toddlers.
Overall
, an individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
finds himself in a challenging situation when
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanying by".
accompanying with
family.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has become
incredibly
common. While no doubt security and consideration, it is in fact, these barriers will lead two main advantages of touring which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and breaking up the monotony. As a contradiction of sorts, it is the hardship that
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the struggle more advantages than disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Now a days individual take their family with them to abroad whenever they go for business trip. What are the advantage and disadvantages on individual and his family? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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