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Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. Do you agree or disagree v.5

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. v. 5
Teenagers of this era are seen to have more social problems than before. A part of society believes that this is because parents prioritize their commitments over their children and hence, do not give them enough time. I entirely agree with this notion. As there is trend of both parents working children are often neglected. To start with, in this modern age, both men and women are working equally to meet their needs. As a result of which children get ignored. They spend their morning time in schools where they learn academic knowledge, and the later part of day either alone at home or are taken care by caretakers. Since they have no emotional attachment with the child, they do not struggle to make them able to communicate effectively with the society. Therefore, such children lack communication skills. A survey demonstrated that children whose one parent stayed at home to rear them up were more efficient in socializing than others. In addition to this, children of working parents when get caught in any problem panick more than others. As elders do comfort their offsprings in difficult time, their unavailability can lead to depression and psychological disorders in young ones. Such children are often more aggressive because when they do not get affection and time of their parents their behaviour becomes voilent. Hence, the personality of a child is effected badly. An article published in a magazine read that children who are not under constant supervision of their parents lack far behind in moral values. In conclusion, parents are responsible for the upbringing of their children. Their giving much time and importance to work can have negative impact on children' s personality and his socialising skills. Thus, one of them should stay at home to look after the offsprings.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
of this era are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to have more social problems than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. A part of society believes that this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
prioritize their commitments over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
hence
, do not give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
there is trend of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
neglected.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, in this modern age, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are working
equally
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their needs.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result of which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. They spend their morning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in schools where they learn academic knowledge, and the later part of day either alone at home or
are taken
care by caretakers. Since they have no emotional attachment with the child, they do not struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them able to communicate
effectively
with the society.
Therefore
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lack communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. A survey demonstrated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
whose one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
stayed at home to rear them up were more efficient in socializing than others.

In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
caught in any problem
Possible spelling mistake found.
panick
more than others. As elders do comfort their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
in difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, their unavailability can lead to depression and psychological disorders in young ones. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more aggressive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
affection and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
becomes
Possible spelling mistake found.
voilent
.
Hence
, the personality of a child
is effected
badly
. An article published in a magazine read that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are not under constant supervision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
lack far behind in moral values.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for the upbringing of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Their giving much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and importance to work can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s personality and his
Do not mix variants of the same word ('socialise' and 'socialize') within a single text.
socialising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Thus
, one of them should stay at home to look after the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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