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Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some of or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v.12

Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some of or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v. 12
Young generation’s schooling is extremely notable for their future and country’s development, so in several nations, the government defrays a part or all of the fees in school. This deed has eitherforeseeable downsides orpotential benefits to people, both these effects will be outlined in this essay. Settling costs of studying for children might have some detriments for both nation and citizens. Initially, it might be residents’ reliance on government fund about their children’s learning. For instance, due to the fees are settled, parents would ignore the study of their children and suppose that it is the government’s obligation. As a result, they would be lack of responsibility on their offspring’ s education. Furthermore, there are a great number of urgent issues which should be solved by the national funds. To explain, the country still has to concentrate on other problems such as poverty, homelessness, disease, among other examples and invest money in a wide range of infrastructure to improve citizens’ life. Despite above considerations, these drawbacks are eclipsed by potential advantages. Firstly, all children would have opportunities to experience a better education from an early age. In some developing countries, especially the poor families, parents could not afford the school’s fee; therefore, their children have to study at home without tutors or even have a labor work to aid their family’ s finance. This leads to an increase in the illiterate rate and decrease in citizens’ living conditions. In addition, investing in young generation’s study would herald government’s fore-sighted vision. The young talents are the future generations of nation, so augmenting their academic background is an essential deed for the country’s advancement. In conclusion, although there are some shortcomings of defraying the cost in studying for pupils, I am convinced that its benefits preponderate over the disadvantages. It generates an equality in learning for children and become a decisive deed for country’s development.
Young generation’s schooling is
extremely
notable for their future and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in several nations, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
defrays a part or all of the fees in school. This deed has
Possible spelling mistake found.
eitherforeseeable
downsides
Possible spelling mistake found.
orpotential
benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, both these effects will
be outlined
in this essay.

Settling costs of studying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detriments for both nation and citizens.
Initially
, it might be residents’ reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
fund about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
learning.
For instance
, due to the fees
are settled
, parents would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the study of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and suppose that it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
obligation.
As a result
, they would be lack of responsibility on their offspring’ s education.
Furthermore
, there are a great number of urgent issues which should
be solved
by the national funds. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
concentrate on other problems such as poverty, homelessness, disease, among other examples and invest money in a wide range of infrastructure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
citizens’ life.

Despite above considerations, these drawbacks
are eclipsed
by potential advantages.
Firstly
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would have opportunities to experience a better education from an early age. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
especially
the poor families, parents could not afford the school’s fee;
therefore
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study at home without tutors or even have a labor work to aid their family’ s finance. This leads to an increase in the illiterate rate and decrease in citizens’ living conditions.
In addition
, investing in young generation’s study would herald
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
fore-sighted vision. The young talents are the future generations of nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
augmenting their academic background is an essential deed for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
advancement.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
shortcomings of defraying the cost in studying for pupils, I
am convinced
that its benefits preponderate over the disadvantages. It generates an equality in learning for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and become a decisive deed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
development.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some of or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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