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Most large companies nowadays operate multinationally. To what extent they have responsibility toward local communities? Should their enterprises offer help to their employees and local citizens? v.2

Most large companies nowadays operate multinationally. Should their enterprises offer help to their employees and local citizens? v. 2
Is is undeniable fact that multinational companies are more and more popular in recent years. From my perspective, these business have to be responsible for local people, and the support of these companies is necessary for their worker and local inhabitants. To begin with, there are variety of reasons why the responsibility of large companies of many nations plays a key role toward local communities. First and foremost, natural environment could be poluted by corporation when building or manufacturing. For example, running factories, disposing waste, and simply using air conditioners are main reasons which lead to the air and water pollution. Therefore, they have to take responsibility for placing restriction on the level of contaminants released to protect the local environment. In addition, paying tax on schedule is extremely a important obligation of multinational associations. If they do not obey, they will violate the national laws, and indirectly deprive benefits’ inhabitants which they are well-deserved to reap. On the other hand, companies composed of several nationalities should help their workforce and local individuals because of following reasons. Firstly, educating for their employees could raise the quantity of their products. To be more specific, labors will work more effectively when having knowledge about the products which they manufacture and the equipment which they use on the daily basis. Secondly, those of corporation must ensure health for their wage earners by safe working conditions and paying suitable salaries for them. As a matter of fact, some dangerous problems must be avoided such as child labour, starvation wages, and unsafe working conditions. In conclusion, the operation of multinational large companies is crucial for economical development. However, I belive that having responsibility for people living in local nations and helping then as well as workforce is significantly essential.
Possible typo: you repeated a word
Is is
undeniable fact that multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are more and more popular in recent years. From my perspective, these business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and the support of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is necessary for their worker and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
inhabitants.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are variety of reasons why the responsibility of large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations plays a key role toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities.
First
and foremost, natural environment could be
Possible spelling mistake found.
poluted
by corporation when building or manufacturing.
For example
, running factories, disposing waste, and
simply
using air conditioners are main reasons which lead to the air and water pollution.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take responsibility for placing restriction on the level of contaminants released to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
environment.
In addition
, paying tax on schedule is
extremely
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
obligation of multinational associations. If they do not obey, they will violate the national laws, and
indirectly
deprive benefits’ inhabitants which they are well-deserved to reap.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
composed of several nationalities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their workforce and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of following reasons.
Firstly
, educating for their employees could raise the quantity of their products. To be more specific, labors will work more
effectively
when having knowledge about the products which they manufacture and the equipment which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
on the daily basis.
Secondly
, those of corporation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure health for their wage earners by safe working conditions and paying suitable salaries for them. As a matter of fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be avoided
such as child
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
, starvation wages, and unsafe working conditions.

In conclusion
, the operation of multinational large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is crucial for
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
development.
However
,
Did you mean "I believe"?
I belive
that having responsibility for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
nations and helping then
as well
as workforce is
significantly
essential.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Most large companies nowadays operate multinationally. Should their enterprises offer help to their employees and local citizens? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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