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Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many peope believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their childern. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many peope believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their childern. v. 4
Delinquencies among juveniles are increasing day by day. As both parents are working nowadays, they do not get enough time to look after their children and it is commonly believed as a main reason behind increasing social issues. I firmly agree wit this reason and my inclination are explained in trailed paragraphs. To start with, children need unconditional love, care and attention in their formative periods of life. As both parents spend long hours at work in this success-oriented world, children's psychological needs to love and to be loves are not fully satisfied, which may compel them to become an antisocial. Moreover, now most of parents connect with their children through electronic gadgets only, which gradually reduces the warmth from the relationships. For example, a survey conducted by a local newspaper, revealed that most of the crimes by teenager are committed in their own home and in the absence of both parents. Furthermore, if there is no parent at home for a child, he/she may feel isolated and become introvert. Sometimes, children may suffer from depression due to lack of socialization. In addition, such teenagers increase the usage of video games and the Internet. Playing violent games so frequently, can also encourage children to enter into crimes. Therefore, it is the responsibility of parents to keep an eye on their kids, whether they are on the right track or not. To conclude, as teenage is the turning point of any kid's life, all they need is the proper guidance from their parents. Understanding this phenomenon by every parent is the need of the day.
Delinquencies among juveniles are increasing day by day. As both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working nowadays, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and it is
commonly
believed as a main reason behind increasing social issues. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
wit this reason and my inclination are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in trailed paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
unconditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, care and attention in their formative periods of life. As both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend long hours at work in this success-oriented world, children's psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
are not
fully
satisfied, which may compel them to become
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
an antisocial
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
connect with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
through electronic gadgets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, which
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the warmth from the relationships.
For example
, a survey conducted by a local newspaper, revealed that most of the crimes by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
are committed
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home and in the absence of both parents.

Furthermore
, if there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
at home for a child, he/she may feel isolated and become introvert.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may suffer from depression due to lack of socialization.
In addition
, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
increase the usage of video games and the Internet. Playing violent games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
frequently
, can
also
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to enter into crimes.
Therefore
, it is the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on their kids, whether they are on the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
or not.

To conclude
, as teenage is the turning point of any kid's life, all they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
is the proper guidance from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Understanding this phenomenon by every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of the day.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many peope believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their childern. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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