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Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development? v.5

Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? v. 5
The more human beings engage with modern life, the more their lifestyles change rapidly. The fact that people are having a baby at their thirties is undeniable. While some assert that this is a positive trend, I believe that this comes with some drawbacks for many compelling reasons. To begin with, the age difference between parents and children brings problems and conflicts. Simply put, being thirty years or older than the children, parents cannot understand the feeling of their kids. Take a teenager as an example, who used to listen to trance music; if he wanted to listen to music loudly, their parent would likely to argue with him as they may not tolerate the noise. These kinds of arguments, eventually, would take its toll on the relationship between parents and their children. Yet another rationale, justification is that as individuals involved with the day to day life, their energy and concentration of their families would decrease. That is when ones are young not only they have more energy, but also they have more free time to allocate to their families. In contrast, when getting older, individuals engage with their jobs and spend time for their children would be much more difficult. Therefore, having less time for your children could have a far-reaching negative impact on the children psychologically. To sum up, based on the reasons mentioned above, having a birth at older ages would have serious repercussions on people’s lives. If these problems were not addressed at the right time, it might cause perennial problems such as insomnia, and depression both for parents and their children.
The more human beings engage with modern life, the more their lifestyles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
rapidly
. The fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are having a baby at their thirties is undeniable. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assert that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend, I believe that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
compelling reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the age difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
brings problems and conflicts.
Simply
put, being thirty years or older than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot understand the feeling of their kids. Take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
as an example, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to listen to trance music; if he wanted to listen to music
loudly
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
would likely to argue with him as they may not tolerate the noise. These kinds of arguments,
eventually
, would take its toll on the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their children.

Yet
another rationale, justification is that as individuals involved with the
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life, their energy and concentration of their families would decrease.
That is
when ones are young not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they have more energy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they have more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to allocate to their families.
In contrast
, when getting older, individuals engage with their jobs and spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be much more difficult.
Therefore
, having less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could have a far-reaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
psychologically
.

To sum up, based on the reasons mentioned above, having a birth at older ages would have serious repercussions on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. If these problems were not addressed at the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it might cause perennial problems such as insomnia, and depression both for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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