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Nowadays there is a trend that media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think that it is harmful to individual and societies. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Nowadays there is a trend that media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think that it is harmful to individual and societies. v. 1
It is true that in the current era print and electronic media mostly broadcasts news on environmental, social and economic and other issues rather than highlighting progress that has been made. It is commonly believed by some people it is detrimental to people and societies and I completely agree with them. To commence, listening to negative news have bad impact on masses. It is a human nature that if people are presented with only dark and gloomy picture of their surroundings, they will ultimately feel frustrated and may suffer from depression and anxiety. Therefore, it is crucial that in order to promote positive attitude, TV and radio ought to on-air reporting about good things rather than bad. Otherwise, citizens will loose hope and this can raise statistics of depression patients at hospitals. For instance, a study found out that as a result of the most of the reporting comprising of negativity, 50% of the cases of anxiety increased in Pakistan in 2018. Moreover, if media only focuses on presenting issues about a society or country, it can severely damage the profile of these. Other nations will feel insecure and unsafe those places to visit about which negative reporting is being made. Consequently, this can make bad image of them resultantly, will affect it's tourism industry. One best example of this is the news which were broadcasted about the bomb blasts, thefts and other problems in Pakistan. As a result, it raised security concerns among foreigners and tourism reduce by 80% in this country. To conclude, I completely agree with this opinion that on-airing negative reporting not only create feelings of frustration among people, but it also have a negative effect on the economy and societies as a whole by distorting their reputation.
It is true that in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era print and electronic media
mostly
broadcasts news on environmental, social and economic and other issues
rather
than highlighting progress that has
been made
. It is
commonly
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
it is detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and societies and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them.

To commence, listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
news have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on masses. It is a human nature that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are presented
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
dark and gloomy picture of their surroundings, they will
ultimately
feel frustrated and may suffer from depression and anxiety.
Therefore
, it is crucial that in order to promote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude, TV and radio ought to on-air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reporting
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Otherwise
, citizens will
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
hope and this can raise statistics of depression patients at hospitals.
For instance
, a study found out that
as a result
of the most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reporting
Did you mean "comprising" or "consisting of"?
comprising of
negativity, 50% of the cases of anxiety increased in Pakistan in 2018.

Moreover
, if media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focuses on presenting issues about a society or country, it can
severely
damage the profile of these. Other nations will feel insecure and unsafe those places to visit about which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reporting
is
being made
.
Consequently
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
image of them
resultantly
, will affect
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
tourism industry. One best example of this is the news which
were broadcasted
about the bomb blasts, thefts and other problems in Pakistan.
As a result
, it raised security concerns among foreigners and tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
by 80% in this country.

To conclude
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion that on-airing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reporting
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create feelings of frustration among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
Did you mean "has"?
have
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effect on the economy and societies as a whole by distorting their reputation.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Nowadays there is a trend that media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think that it is harmful to individual and societies. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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