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Nowadays there are more opportunities for women than there were in the past. Some people think this situation has caused more problems than it has solved. What are your opinions on this? v.2

Nowadays there are more opportunities for women than there were in the past. Some people think this situation has caused more problems than it has solved. What are your opinions on this? v. 2
In the previous ages, women did not have as many opportunities as in contemporary due to the deficiency in people’s consciousness. In my perspective, this alteration has resolved more issues than it has caused, which influences positively on our modern century. First and foremost, more chances for females lead to modified structure of the society, particularly in human daily activities. Prior to these days, women must suffer from harsh opinions such as “not crucial in family”, “being a servant of men” or “not needed to educate”. Nowadays, they can study with men and have a particular stand in the family and society. Moreover, women now entitle to have a durable job and share the household with their husbands. Hence, it gradually balances the world, in which both males and females can live equally and freely. Although many issues occur in families such as having an abundance of works, untidiness, they still can be managed by men. Furthermore, in this novel era, women can master many fields of studies in order to prove that they are not useless and weak to look down on. In some previous decades, schools and universities are not for girls because they thought that females could not be compared with men. However, nowadays, women have more chances to affirm themselves, for instance, there are many intelligent female scientists or physicists, and in labour, women can considerably prove their strength. Accordingly, it generates more jobs for wivé to ensure their family finance. Although there are many mistakes in working, it is not abnormal, even with men. In conclusion, opportunities for women positively change the world that becomes more equal and respectful. Although there are some problems due to female deficiencies, they still qualify for living without constraints and demands.
In the previous ages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
did not have as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities as in contemporary due to the deficiency in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s consciousness. In my perspective, this alteration has resolved more issues than it has caused, which influences
positively
on our modern century.

First
and foremost, more chances for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
lead to modified structure of the society,
particularly
in human daily activities. Prior to these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
suffer from harsh opinions such as “not crucial in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family”
, “being a servant of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
” or “not needed to educate”. Nowadays, they can study with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and have a particular stand in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and society.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
entitle to have a durable job and share the household with their husbands.
Hence
, it
gradually
balances the world, in which both males and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
equally
and
freely
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues occur in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
such as having an abundance of works, untidiness, they
still
can
be managed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

Furthermore
, in this novel era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can master
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields of studies in order to prove that they are not useless and weak to look down on. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
previous decades, schools and universities are not for girls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
could not
be compared
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
However
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have more chances to affirm themselves,
for instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
scientists or physicists, and in
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
considerably
prove their strength.
Accordingly
, it generates more jobs for
Possible spelling mistake found.
wivé
to ensure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
finance. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mistakes in working, it is not abnormal, even with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

In conclusion
, opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
positively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the world that becomes more equal and respectful. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
deficiencies, they
still
qualify for living without constraints and demands.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays there are more opportunities for women than there were in the past. Some people think this situation has caused more problems than it has solved. What are your opinions on this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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