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NOWADAYS, THERE ARE MORE OPPORTUNITIES FOR WOMEN THAN THERE WERE IN THE PAST Some people think this situation has caused more problems than it has solved. What are your opinions on this? v.1

NOWADAYS, THERE ARE MORE OPPORTUNITIES FOR WOMEN THAN THERE WERE IN THE PAST Some people think this situation has caused more problems than it has solved. What are your opinions on this? v. 1
It is undoubtful that this modern life has provided more opportunities for female to take a part in many sectors than in the past. While some people believe that this will bring many problems, I personally think that this trend will provide more benefits for societies and women. First of all, the law and policy based on justice, which is compatible for woman will massively be created. This happens as without being restricted, female are able to get involved in the political sectors. Thus, they are able to represent woman in order to make and determine some beneficial and friendly policies for woman. Another benefit is the woman contribution to the country's development through some particular fields. This is as a result of female participation in such sectors in which they are used to unable to prove their particular skills or talents. For instance, many females contribute and enhance the productivity in education, healthcare, science, technology and even economic sectors. Looking at another perspective, it is true that woman participation in many sectors can discourage their role in educating and supervising children at home. Thus, their children will inevitably commit the delinquent activities. However, I believe that both male and female have the same-essential role in handling and educating the children, and balancing the role in the workplace and domestic should become responsibilities for both parents. In conclusion, I believe that the wide-ranged chance for female to contribute in many sectors can be good news for all individuals because not only this trend is compatible with an equality right but also this will bring many merits for the country.
It is
Possible spelling mistake found.
undoubtful
that this modern life has provided more opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
to take a part in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
than in the past. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this trend will provide more benefits for societies and women.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the law and policy based on justice, which is compatible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
will
massively
be created
. This happens as without
being restricted
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in the political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
.
Thus
, they are able to represent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
and determine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial and friendly policies for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
. Another benefit is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
contribution to the country's development through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular fields. This is
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
participation in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in which they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Did you mean "too unable to"?
to unable to
prove their particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or talents.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
contribute and enhance the productivity in education, healthcare, science, technology and even economic sectors.

Looking at another perspective, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
participation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
can discourage their role in educating and supervising children at home.
Thus
, their children will
inevitably
commit the delinquent activities.
However
, I believe that both male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
have the same-essential role in handling and educating the children, and balancing the role in the workplace and domestic should become responsibilities for both parents.

In conclusion
, I believe that the wide-ranged chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
to contribute in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
news for all individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this trend is compatible with an equality right
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
this will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits for the country.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay NOWADAYS, THERE ARE MORE OPPORTUNITIES FOR WOMEN THAN THERE WERE IN THE PAST Some people think this situation has caused more problems than it has solved. What are your opinions on this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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