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In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occurring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occurring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v. 2
In the past few decades, the patterns of a family have greatly diversified. There are some changes regarding its organization and members’ role; and in my opinion, these changes can be seen as a progress. Families at present have undergone two main differences compared to the past. First, the structure of a nuclear family now can have more than one breadwinner, who normally is the father. This is because in the modern world, only a few jobs could secure the stability of single-earner families, which forces both parents to be the financial supporters. Second, the trend that parents exchange their roles has become more common. As the result of women’s protest for their rights, mothers now have equal opportunities for education and work, which allows the other spouse to assume responsibility as a stay-at-home parent to take care of the children and the housework. From my perspective, those changes in the family’s structure and parental roles are positive for a number of reasons. That both parents can become the breadwinners would ensure the stable finance of a family, which not only directly eases the burden that the father have to bear in order to support the whole family but also enables the mother to pursue her dream job. From another angle, it is an upward step that people are at liberty to do what they like and what they are good at. Women can follow their dream and stabilize her family financial status if they are better at work than their husbands. In conclusion, I think the changes occurring to a family’s hierarchy and members’ responsibilities are a positive step toward a better world.
In the past few decades, the patterns of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have
greatly
diversified. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
regarding its organization and members’ role; and in my opinion, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "progress".
a progress
.

Families at present have undergone two main differences compared to the past.
First
, the structure of a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can have more than one breadwinner, who
normally
is the father. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the modern world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few jobs could secure the stability of single-earner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, which forces both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be the financial supporters. Second, the trend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
exchange their roles has become more common. As the result of women’s protest for their rights, mothers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have equal opportunities for education and work, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the other spouse to assume responsibility as a stay-at-home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
to take care of the children and the housework.

From my perspective, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
structure and parental roles are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for a number of reasons. That both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can become the breadwinners would ensure the stable finance of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eases
the burden that the father
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bear in order to support the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enables the mother to pursue her dream job. From another angle, it is an upward step that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are at liberty to do what they like and what they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at. Women can follow their dream and stabilize her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
financial status if they are better at work than their husbands.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
occurring to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
hierarchy and members’ responsibilities are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
step toward a better world.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occurring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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