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Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. v.49

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. v. 49
People used to communicate by meeting each other while it has nowadays totally changed since technological advancement. Some assert that utilising technology in daily communication brings more harm than good things. I personally agree with this view and this essay will look into the reason with some considerations. The first effect of technology usage is that it reduces the sense of togetherness among people. Since they do interaction via telecommunication such as a mobile phone or the internet, it reduces the personal relationship. People cannot catch moments during interaction because they communicate in unreal situations. Taken social media as an example, most teenagers talk to their friend via utilising Facebook, Viber, WhatsApp or others. They tend to interact with each other via sending messages thus they can feel the situation or even communication sense just by reading the messages. By contrast, direct communication tends to develop a sense of belonging among people. They will be more comfortable to express their feelings thus it is easy to get along together. In addition, it will deteriorate the human behaviour. By using electronic devices in the daily life of communication, it is hard for them to involve in a social environment. It will decrease their self-confidence to speak in public because they usually interact through devices not face to face communication. Moreover, utilising technology in interaction is not free thus you should they should prepare much budget just for communication. It is true that technology usages enable people to keep in touch with people who live in different places. However, it is not capable of providing a sense of feeling as well as direct communication. To sum up, by communicating directly, it will help people keeping close each other and able to talk towards them easily and expressively.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to communicate by meeting each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
while it has nowadays
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
since technological advancement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
assert that
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
brings more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and this essay will look into the reason with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerations.

The
first
effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
usage is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of togetherness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Since they do interaction via telecommunication such as a mobile phone or the internet, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the personal relationship.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
cannot catch moments during interaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they communicate in unreal situations. Taken social media as an example, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
talk to their friend via
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
Facebook,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viber
, WhatsApp or others. They tend to interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
via sending messages
thus
they can feel the situation or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by reading the messages. By contrast, direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
tends to develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of belonging among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They will be more comfortable to express their feelings
thus
it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along together.

In addition
, it will deteriorate the human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. By using electronic devices in the daily life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to involve in a social environment. It will decrease their self-confidence to speak in public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
usually
interact through devices not face to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in interaction is not free
thus
you should they should prepare much budget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for communication.

It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
usages enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places.
However
, it is not capable of providing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of feeling
as well
as direct communication.

To sum up, by communicating
directly
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
keeping close each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and able to talk towards them
easily
and
expressively
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. v. 49

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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