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Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. v.53

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. v. 53
It is commonly noticed that people surrounding us stay connected with other people via social networking sites or other applications and technology have totally changed the way people used to communicate, make friends and keep their relationship. This paradigm shift happened basically because of the advances in technology and widespread use of such technological applications. Shall we welcome this shift or be wary about the changes? In this essay, I am going to discuss how technology has affected the types of relationships people make and whether it is considered as a positive or negative development. First and foremost, I think that the development of technology has enhanced the relationships people make and maintain. For instance, when a student studies abroad and stays far away from his or her family and friends, social networking sites and other applications can help the student stay connected with his or her family and friends through Skype, for instance. In my opinion, in this case, this is a positive development to deal with homesickness or maintain our interactions with people we care about. By comparing to the past decade, when technology was not so advanced, people had to depend on letters to communicate with each other and that was a time-consuming method and it incurred higher cost. In contrast, in today’s world, people just have to be on laptops or smartphones and can have direct communication and interaction with family and friends. They can see each other contrary to the past method of interchanging written words. In this way, people can keep a close relationship with family and friends. We can now make friends beyond borders and that enhances our perspective about other nations and customs. Online groups, social platform and social networking sites bring people together who have common interests and there are many events those people meet and plan for the betterment of society. In fact, the implication of technology on people’s relationship is a controversial issue. On the one hand, it is a positive development for helping people stay connected with family and friends and making new friends. On the other hand, it can estrange the relationships people make. The argument that it has a negative influence on people’s relationship is based on the scenario that people will avoid face-to-face communication in the long run. Recent research indicates that virtual communication will weaken the communication skill of a person. I still remember a film that I watched had a scene that showed four friends were having meals in a restaurant. When they sat together, they did not interact with each other face-to-face but through social applications by sending out the emotions in the social group to show their feelings. This example shows a worrying trend as people enjoy interacting virtually more than face to face due to their reliance on technology. It is important to create awareness to the public that actual communication is more important than virtual interaction to minimise its repercussion. Overall, as far as I am concerned, the advancement of technology has both positive and negative effects on the kind of relationships people make. We have to be aware that actual interaction is more important to enhance a relationship. We shall connect with family and friends virtually only if we are apart from them.
It is
commonly
noticed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
surrounding us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
and
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technology
have
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to communicate,
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make
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friends
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
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relationship
. This paradigm shift happened
basically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the advances in
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technology
and widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
. Shall we welcome this shift or be wary about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
? In this essay, I am going to discuss how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
and whether it
is considered
as a
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positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

First
and foremost, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has enhanced the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
and maintain.
For instance
, when a student studies abroad and
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stays
far away from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
connected with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
through Skype,
for instance
. In my opinion,
in this case
, this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
development to deal with homesickness or maintain our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
we care about. By comparing to the past decade, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
advanced,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to depend on letters to communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and that was a time-consuming method and it incurred higher cost.
In contrast
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be on laptops or smartphones and can have direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
contrary to the past method of interchanging written words. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
beyond borders and that enhances our perspective about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations and customs. Online groups,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platform and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together who have common interests and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and plan for the betterment of society.

In fact, the implication of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
is a controversial issue. On the one hand, it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
development for helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and making new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it can estrange the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
. The argument that it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
is based
on the scenario that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will avoid face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
in the long run. Recent research indicates that virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
will weaken the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of a person. I
still
remember a film that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
had a scene that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
were having meals in a restaurant. When they sat together, they did not interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
face-to-face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
by sending out the emotions in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
group to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their feelings. This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a worrying trend as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy interacting
virtually
more than face to face due to their reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to create awareness to the public that actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
its repercussion.

Overall
, as far as I
am concerned
, the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be aware that actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to enhance a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. We shall connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
virtually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if we are apart from them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
92Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. v. 53

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
545 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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