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Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. v.52

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. v. 52
It is true that some people have shifted their way to keep in touch with others due to the innovation of technology. Massive usage of devices in communication, particularly, phone and the internet can be stated as the main different compares to the past. People rely on those technologies to connect with families, friends and colleagues. Personally, I reckon that this trend may lead people to have a better relationship due to the effectiveness and low cost of communication. To begin with, the interaction of individuals is presently not limited in one model. It means that people have many choices to stay connecting others than before. Technology offers some applications such as email, Facebook or Twitter. Those social media serve advantages to enhance and build a relationship with others. For example, in workplaces, employees do not have to meet in a certain place to discuss something. Rather they can use the video conference to do a meeting. Therefore, various types of communication tools can help people to choose their preference and purpose in communication. Furthermore, the usage of technology in communication leads to some positive things. It can be assumed that the easiness and effectiveness which are offered by these devices maximise the quality of people life in term of maintenance the relation of people. In addition, these communication tools allow people to spend less money and time. In other words, individuals do not have to visit someone when they want to talk or know friends’ news. Young people nowadays have friends from different countries and can have more friends. They can share their thoughts and updates instantly, which was quite impossible in the past. Some people might argue that people rely too much on technology and that’s they keep a less personal relationship with others. However, I disagree and want to say that, technology has made it possible to connect with a dear one, make new friends and build up relationships in a more convenient way. In conclusion, people always pick up the best and most efficient way of communication and the widespread use of the internet, mobile phone and other ways of communication have positively impacted our life and the way we make and keep our relationship.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have shifted their way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with others due to the innovation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Massive usage of devices in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
,
particularly
, phone and the internet can
be stated
as the main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
compares to the past.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
rely on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
to connect with families,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and colleagues.
Personally
, I reckon that this trend may lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
due to the effectiveness and low cost of communication.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the interaction of individuals is
presently
not limited in one model. It means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
choices to stay connecting others than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
applications such as email, Facebook or Twitter. Those social media serve advantages to enhance and build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with others.
For example
, in workplaces, employees do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in a certain place to discuss something.
Rather
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the video conference to
The usual verb for "a meeting" is "have" not "do." Revise: "have a meeting".
do a meeting
.
Therefore
, various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
tools can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose their preference and purpose in communication.

Furthermore
, the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things. It can
be assumed
that the easiness and effectiveness which
are offered
by these devices
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximise' is British English.
maximise
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life in term of maintenance the relation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
tools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend less money and time. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, individuals do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
visit someone when they want to talk or know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends’
news. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and can have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. They can share their thoughts and updates
instantly
, which was quite impossible in the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely too much on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and that’s they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a less personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with others.
However
, I disagree and want to say that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made it possible to connect with a dear one,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and build up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
in a more convenient way.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always pick up the best and most efficient way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and the widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet, mobile phone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
have
positively
impacted our life and the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. v. 52

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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