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Task 2: Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negativedevelopment? Give reasons for your answ v.1

Task 2: Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negativedevelopment? Give reasons for your answ v. 1
It is a fact that Television and Computer games has been used by every generation in all over the world. These days, Violence is increasing in the media. As most of them use television and computer games on a daily basis, Some people may claim that the violence occurred on TV or video games does not impact the thinking of society. In contrast, some people argue that the violence shown on the media is unsafe for human beings. In my opinion, I believe that the excess of anything concerning the media is dangerous for all species. Nowadays, violence in the media has increased a lot, which could affect the person who watches a TV in an excessive way. If somebody is angry, then he could copy the ideas from the watched contents of TV to complete their destructive motives and aims. For Example, I have seen some teenagers who organise the fight club in order to release their anger through fights. This generally resembles many movies who portray the context of the fight clubs. Moreover, Video games are commonly played among teenagers as the Internet has increased globally over a period of time. They might think that it is normal to express exasperation towards another person. For instance, many games show weapons which might provoke teenagers to use them. Taking everything into consideration, I think that violence on TV and video games affects users' overall intellectual and social health. The contents of TV and video games should be controlled to avoid future consequences for the betterment of generation.
It is a fact that Television and Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by every generation in all over the world. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violence
is increasing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. As most of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
television and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on a daily basis,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
occurred on TV or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
does not impact the thinking of society.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
shown on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is unsafe for human beings.

In my opinion, I believe that the excess of anything concerning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for all species. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has increased a lot, which could affect the person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
a TV
Consider replacing "in an excessive way" with the adverb for "excessive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an excessive way
. If somebody is angry, then he could copy the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
contents of TV to complete their destructive motives and aims.
For Example
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
the fight club in order to release their anger through fights. This
generally
resembles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
movies who portray the context of the fight clubs.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
commonly
played among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
as the Internet has increased globally over a period of time. They might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is normal to express exasperation towards another person.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
weapons which might provoke
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.

Taking everything into consideration, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
affects users'
overall
intellectual and social health. The contents of TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be controlled
to avoid future consequences for the betterment of generation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Task 2: Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negativedevelopment? Give reasons for your answ v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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