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Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. v.51

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. v. 51
Technology has been affecting many aspects of human life including the way people interact with one another. Some believe that it has more benefits for people’s connection than drawbacks, while others contradict it. I personally argue with the former opinion, and through this essay, I am going to explain my reasons. Initially, the first reason that I am going to elaborate is the way technology enhancing better communication among people. A large number of communication gadgets has been invented in order to help communication between people, even for those who are separated by spacious distance, getting simpler and quicker. Thus, by giving an easier chance to be connected, this development has been encouraging society’s sense of togetherness. They do not have to visit their colleagues which are in different regions or cities to ask their condition, for instance, because they could just pick up their phone and call their friends. Subsequently, the variety of communication technology has been developed even further. The purpose is not only to make it easier but also to reach a better quality of communication. We can mention video call, voice messenger and social media as the parts of it. The users are not limited by the elder method of phone call anymore. They can communicate more interactively by using video call. Therefore, they can communicate with others in the wider range of connection by using social media such as Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. This situation will globally lead people into a worldwide relationship. On the other hand, there has been a developing trend that people are becoming more individualistic as the effect of technological development. The decreasing opportunity of direct interaction among them is accused as the root of this problem. However, it depends on us as the users to utilise technology wisely. If we can maintain a balance between communication technology and the conventional way of communication, the problem will certainly disappear. Eventually, the advantages of using technology as part of our communication types overweight the disadvantages, as long as we can manage it to be the helper, not the looser.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has been affecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of human life including the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact with one another.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that it has more benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
connection than drawbacks, while others contradict it. I
personally
argue with the former opinion, and through this essay, I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons.

Initially
, the
first
reason that I am going to elaborate is the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
enhancing better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
gadgets has
been invented
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, even for those who
are separated
by spacious distance, getting simpler and quicker.
Thus
, by giving an easier chance to
be connected
, this development has been encouraging society’s sense of togetherness. They do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
visit their colleagues which are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions or cities to ask their condition,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
pick up their phone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
call
their friends.

Subsequently
, the variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
been developed
even
further
. The purpose is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to reach a better quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
. We can mention video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
call
, voice messenger and social media as the parts of it. The users are not limited by the elder method of phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
call
anymore. They can communicate more
interactively
by using video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
call
.
Therefore
, they can communicate with others in the wider range of connection by using social media such as Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. This situation will globally lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into a worldwide relationship.

On the other hand
, there has been a developing trend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more individualistic as the effect of technological development. The decreasing opportunity of direct interaction among them
is accused
as the root of this problem.
However
, it depends on us as the users to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
wisely
. If we can maintain a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and the conventional way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, the problem will
certainly
disappear.

Eventually
, the advantages of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
types overweight the disadvantages, as long as we can manage it to be the helper, not the looser.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. v. 51

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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