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Consumption of world's resources is increasing at an alarming rate such as water and oil. What are causes behind and possible solutions in this regard. v.1

Consumption of world's resources is increasing at an alarming rate such as water and oil. What are causes behind and possible solutions in this regard. v. 1
Many studies have revealed that most of the offenders are not educated. Therefore, a few individuals think that educating accused, behind the bars, is a great way to lower the crime rate. Because, when they finish their tenure in jail, they will be a better person having enough education that they can get a job right after their capture time. I fully concur with the idea of providing education to the convicts. It has been seen that crime rates in countries, having lower literacy, is comparatively higher than literate countries. The most significant factor behind this is, uneducated people do not have any employment, and they follow the path of wrongdoings to earn their bread and butter. In addition to this, children of economically weaker sections are mostly deprived of education due to financial problems and they cannot fulfil their dreams. Which leads them to adopt an illegal path to satisfy their needs and visualize their desires. Rehabilitation of the prisoners is a decent solution to avoid recurring crime. Mostly after completing the one sentence, same accused is caught red-handed committing exactly the same kind of offence. The reason behind this is they are oblivious to other methods of earning, which they can learn only if they are groomed during their jail time. For example, during a test rehabilitation derive it has been found that criminals accept that they want to live a better life now. To summarize, certainly, education makes everyone independent and opens the doors of opportunities to earn well. Which results in lowering crime rates as people will not follow the evil path to feed themselves and dependents. However, Even if this happens then situation can always be improved by providing adequate resources to prisoners during their confinement time and enable them to earn a decent salary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
studies have revealed that most of the offenders are not educated.
Therefore
, a few individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that educating accused, behind the bars, is a great way to lower the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, when they finish their tenure in jail, they will be a better person having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job right after their capture time. I
fully
concur with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to the convicts.

It has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates in countries, having lower literacy, is
comparatively
higher than literate countries. The most significant factor behind this is, uneducated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have any employment, and they follow the path of wrongdoings to earn their bread and butter.
In addition
to this, children of
economically
weaker sections are
mostly
deprived of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
due to financial
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
they cannot fulfil their dreams. Which leads them to adopt an illegal path to satisfy their needs and visualize their desires.

Rehabilitation of the prisoners is a decent solution to avoid recurring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Mostly
after completing the one sentence, same accused
is caught
red-handed committing exactly the same kind of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
. The reason behind this is they are oblivious to other methods of earning, which they can learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they
are groomed
during their jail time.
For example
, during a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
rehabilitation derive it has
been found
that criminals accept that they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

To summarize
,
certainly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
everyone independent and opens the doors of opportunities to earn well. Which results in lowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not follow the evil path to feed themselves and dependents.
However
, Even if this happens then situation can always be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by providing adequate resources to prisoners during their confinement time and enable them to earn a decent salary.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Consumption of world's resources is increasing at an alarming rate such as water and oil. What are causes behind and possible solutions in this regard. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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