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Nowadays, technology such as mobile phones are reducing social interactions. Do you agree? v.1

Nowadays, technology such as mobile phones are reducing social interactions. Do you agree? v. 1
It is often argued that mobile phones, which is one of the most state-of-the-art technological products, have led to the reduction of social interactions. I agree with this viewpoint because it is widening the familial relationships. Also, it has brought about sedentary lifestyle. Undoubtedly, mobile phone usage has led to security. In other words, a person can call anyone in case of crimes. People, especially parents, can call their wards to know where they are. Never before have parents been able to know about the whereabouts of their children from minute after minute. However, use of cell phones has widen a gap among families. These days individuals are dominated and driven by social networking sites, leaving them no time for social interactions. The internet has become a temptation, particularly for young ones, often surpassing the importance of caretakers. An article in ' The Tribune' reported that an average child in India is exposed to 10 hours of internet daily. Another reason is the sedentary lifestyle. Due to invention in technology, most of the people, often complete their work from the living room through video conferencing. As a result, they do not go out of their house which in turn lowers social interactions. In India, 40 percent employees have the facility of telecommuting. In conclusion, it is true that cell phones ensure the protection of humans; however, I take the view that it's lowering interactions among people and cause sedentary lifestyle.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, which is one of the most state-of-the-art technological products, have led to the reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is widening the familial relationships.
Also
, it has brought about sedentary lifestyle.

Undoubtedly
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
usage has led to security.
In other words
, a person can call anyone in case of crimes.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
,
especially
parents, can call their wards to know where they are. Never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
have parents been able to know about the whereabouts of their children from minute after minute.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has
Use past participle here: "widened".
widen
a gap among families. These days individuals
are dominated
and driven by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites, leaving them no time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
. The internet has become a temptation,
particularly
for young ones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
surpassing the importance of caretakers. An article in
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
The Tribune' reported that an average child in India
is exposed
to 10 hours of internet daily.

Another reason is the sedentary lifestyle. Due to invention in technology, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
complete their work from the living room through video conferencing.
As a result
, they do not go out of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
which in turn lowers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
. In India, 40 percent employees have the facility of telecommuting.

In conclusion
, it is true that cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
ensure the protection of humans;
however
, I take the view that it's lowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and cause sedentary lifestyle.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, technology such as mobile phones are reducing social interactions. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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