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Nowadays, sports is a big business with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways. Is this a positive or negative development for sports? v.1

Nowadays, sports is a big business with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways. Is this a positive or negative development for sports? v. 1
Technology is a double edged sword. While innovation and upgrades can make our lives easier, they can be even used to cause trouble. Although most of us reap the benefits of technology, some with the vested interest are able to cause trouble for the rest of us. The Security system is one such modern technology which has proved to be a boon for 90% of the population of combating crimes. However, just like every other technology, it comes with its own disadvantages. The biggest advantage with closed-circuit television is that they provide a sense of security to people. Even more the mischief makers try to be their best, because they can see an eye watching them and they are aware that they might be caught red-handed. In addition, CCTV cameras enable us to tab any suspicious activity that helps in stopping the crime before happening. The other great benefit of using CCTV cameras is that they create a room for gathering evidences. For example-: You have a witness of a particular crime, but it so happens that they themselves missed out on some details. A CCTV camera ensures you don’t miss on anything. On the negative side of the coin, CCTV cameras pose a great threat to the privacy of an individual. Even more, it creates a sense of a suspect in the minds of people. For example-: an employee may feel as if his/her employer does not trust him/her enough to let him/her work independently off the camera. Moreover, a camera is a costly thing to install. Apart from installing, they require proper time to time maintenance. Another issue with CCTV cameras is that they are quite vulnerable. For example-: a tech savvy thief with knowledge about the camera might close it when required or in worst cases the camera may be hacked. To sum up, just like a knife can be used to cut a vegetable or do a murder, monitors have both advantages and disadvantages. It is upon us as to how we use it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
is a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
double edged
sword. While innovation and upgrades can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier, they can be even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cause trouble. Although most of us reap the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
with the vested interest are able to cause trouble for the rest of us. The Security system is one such modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which has proved to be a boon for 90% of the population of combating crimes.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like every other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
disadvantages.

The biggest advantage with closed-circuit television is that they provide a sense of security to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Even more the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
mischief makers
try to be their best,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an eye watching
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they are aware that they might
be caught
red-handed.
In addition
, CCTV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
enable us to tab any suspicious activity that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in stopping the crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
happening. The other great benefit of using CCTV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
is that they create a room for gathering evidences.
For example
-: You have a witness of a particular crime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happens that they themselves missed out on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
. A CCTV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
ensures you don’t miss on anything.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of the coin, CCTV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
pose a great threat to the privacy of an individual. Even more, it creates a sense of a suspect in the minds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
-: an employee may feel as if his/her employer does not trust him/her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him/her work
independently
off the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
is a costly thing to install. Apart from installing, they require proper time to time maintenance. Another issue with CCTV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
is that they are quite vulnerable.
For example
-: a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
tech savvy
thief with knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
might close it when required or in worst cases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
may
be hacked
.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a knife can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
a vegetable or do a murder, monitors have both advantages and disadvantages. It is upon us as to how we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, sports is a big business with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways. Is this a positive or negative development for sports? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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