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Nowadays, sport is becoming a big business with high earnings for professional sportspeople and a lot of companies have involved in financially and in other ways. Is it a positive or negative development of sport? v.1

Nowadays, sport is becoming a big business with high earnings for professional sportspeople and a lot of companies have involved in financially and in other ways. Is it a positive or negative development of sport? v. 1
Sport is currently being contained commerce by companies and a huge amount of money which is paid for sports people. While this trend can be positive to some extent, I would argue that it is more negative. On the one hand, it is believed that this inclination can be seen as an advantage. Firstly, it creates the motivation for athletes to perform at the best status. The amount of money is also used for providing state-of-the-art facilities to assist them in practicing. In addition to their fabulous salaries, sports celebrities also make a great deal of money through their endorsement of sporting goods such as trainers or even casual clothes or deodorants. Therefore, enterprises can be benefited from supporting renowned players. However, the aforementioned reasons can be seen as the opposite angle. One disadvantage is that this trend makes sport to be being ruined by a win-at-all-costs attitude, which includes cheating and breaking the rules in order to achieve victory and earn money. For example, soccer players often fall down and say that someone has pushed them, but it is not true. Another disadvantage is that betting companies are becoming prevalent and this often leads to social evils. Eventually, the result of a match will not reality because it is manipulated, so a multitude of spectators will feel despair. In conclusion, while some activities like sports merchandising or earning from sport are beneficial for sportsmen to some extent, I believe its disadvantages are greater.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
is
currently
being contained
commerce by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which
is paid
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. While this trend can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I would argue that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

On the one hand, it
is believed
that this inclination can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as an advantage.
Firstly
, it creates the motivation for athletes to perform at the best status. The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for providing state-of-the-art facilities to assist them in practicing.
In addition
to their fabulous salaries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
celebrities
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
through their endorsement of sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
such as trainers or even casual clothes or deodorants.
Therefore
, enterprises can
be benefited
from supporting renowned players.

However
, the aforementioned reasons can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as the opposite angle. One disadvantage is that this trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to be
being ruined
by a win-at-all-costs attitude, which includes cheating and breaking the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in order to achieve victory and earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, soccer players
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fall down and say that someone has pushed them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not true. Another disadvantage is that betting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are becoming prevalent and this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to social evils.
Eventually
, the result of a match will not reality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is manipulated
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a multitude of spectators will feel despair.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
merchandising or earning from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
are beneficial for sportsmen to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I believe its disadvantages are greater.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Nowadays, sport is becoming a big business with high earnings for professional sportspeople and a lot of companies have involved in financially and in other ways. Is it a positive or negative development of sport? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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