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Nowadays, sports is a big business with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways. Is this a positive or negative development for sports? v.2

Nowadays, sports is a big business with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways. Is this a positive or negative development for sports? v. 2
It is widely acknowledged that sports people and the companies in this market have high revenues affecting to their financial position and others. I agree to the certain extent that this have a good impact on sports development, however there are some definite issues to consider which will be further discussed in this essay. High earnings of sports professional give a rise to various positive impacts. First, the strong financial position of sport firms ensure their ability to offer higher quality and standard of products as well as services provided to their customers. Since at the present day it is important to have quality improvement among high competition in the market, the strong financial status sport firms can invest in some researchs accompanied by product development programs for innovative products. What is more, sports celebrities and sports firms should have a well paid-off. This is because this occupations require more investment in time and money. For instant, some sporters need to leave their school for hard training for being a sport professional. Also, the equipments used in training and their competition cost expensively. So, the higher standard of sport is partly caused by the motivation from high earning. On the other hand, the higher revenues in sports area could contribute to some drawbacks. First, there will be a higher competition among companies and players in sport market. The higher incomes being as an inspiration of many people could lead to appeal some new coming players with low quality. Seeing that there is no barriers to entry in this market, people may be take part in without strong intention to be sport professionals resulting in inadequated level of training. Another point is that some sport players and their company might have less passion in more practice and performance development due to having enough earning. Accordingly, there is a lack of improvement in sport professional area. In conclusion, there are many benefits and drawbacks of sport people and companies’ high earning. However, in my opinion, I believe that the benefits outweigh negative effects because it is a good motivation for people becoming a sport celebrities to continue in the improvement in this area.
It is
widely
acknowledged that
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sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
revenues affecting to their financial position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the certain extent that
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "this has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this have
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
development,
however
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
issues to consider which will be
further
discussed in this essay.

High earnings of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
give a rise to various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts.
First
, the strong financial position of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
firms ensure their ability to offer higher quality and standard of products
as well
as services provided to their customers. Since at the present day it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have quality improvement among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
competition in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
, the strong financial status
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
firms can invest in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "researches", the plural form of the noun 'research'?
researchs
accompanied by product development programs for innovative products.
What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
celebrities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
firms should have a well paid-off. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Did you mean "these"?
this
occupations require more investment in time and money. For instant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
sporters
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their school for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
training for being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
.
Also
, the equipments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in training and their competition cost
expensively
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the higher standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is partly caused by the motivation from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
earning.

On the other hand
, the higher revenues in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
area could contribute to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
First
, there will be a higher competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and players in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
. The higher incomes being as an inspiration of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could lead to appeal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new coming players with low quality. Seeing that
Did you mean "there are no barriers"?
there is no barriers
to entry in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in without strong intention to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
resulting in
Possible spelling mistake found.
inadequated
level of training. Another point is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
players and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
might have less passion in more practice and performance development due to having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
earning.
Accordingly
, there is a lack of improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
area.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits and drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
earning.
However
, in my opinion, I believe that the benefits outweigh
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
motivation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "celebrity"?
celebrities
to continue in the improvement in this area.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, sports is a big business with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways. Is this a positive or negative development for sports? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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