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Nowadays sport is a big bussiness with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways Is this positive or negative for sports v.2

Nowadays sport is a big bussiness with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways Is this positive or negative for sports v. 2
Recently, sport is eventually becoming a lucrative business where both athletes and firms related to sport can reap great benefits. This essay will analyze significant values this phenomenon brings to our society. Sports business offers professional sports people better environment to harness their skills and facilitates the development of talents. First of all, the performance of athletes can be enhanced, which increases their winning rate. In order to accelerate the well-rounded development of athletes and avoid the potential risks, the government and companies have a tendency to allocate financial resources to install advanced facilities serving for practice. Besides, those who possess superior sporting skills can receive great sponsorships, which means that both they have more chances to make more contributions to sporting areas and gain reputation and companies investing in them can have an influx of money from their athletes’ awards and advertisements. Other than that, turning sport into the promising industry is a rational way to arouse more interest from the public to sport. Firstly, it motivates citizens, particularly those who favor the sedentary lifestyle with their eyes glued to technological devices including smartphones or tablets, to join in sporting activities. The reason is that if they are informed that they can gain attractive financial incentives and social standing by becoming professional sports players, they will have great passion for sport, which helps to increase public fitness level and minimize their screen time. Moreover, people’s awareness of sport is heightened. This is because training programs and educational campaigns carried out companies for the sake of potential factors offer people a solid grounding in advantages of sport. All in all, the sporting industry not only improves athletes’ performance but also enhances people’s attitudes toward roles of sporting activities.
Recently,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
eventually
becoming a lucrative business where both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
and firms related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can reap great benefits. This essay will analyze significant values this phenomenon brings to our society.

Sports business offers professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
better environment to harness their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and facilitates the development of talents.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
can
be enhanced
, which increases their winning rate. In order to accelerate the well-rounded development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
and avoid the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have a tendency to allocate financial resources to install advanced facilities serving for practice.
Besides
, those who possess superior sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can receive great sponsorships, which means that both they have more chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more contributions to sporting areas and gain reputation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
investing in them can have an influx of money from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes’
awards and advertisements.

Other than that, turning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
into the promising industry is a rational way to arouse more interest from the public to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Firstly
, it motivates citizens,
particularly
those who favor the sedentary lifestyle with their eyes glued to technological devices including smartphones or tablets, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in sporting activities. The reason is that if they
are informed
that they can gain attractive financial incentives and social standing by becoming professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players, they will have great passion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to increase public fitness level and minimize their screen time.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is heightened
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
training programs and educational campaigns carried out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
for the sake of potential factors offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a solid grounding in advantages of sport.

All in all, the sporting industry not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes’
performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enhances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attitudes toward roles of sporting activities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays sport is a big bussiness with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways Is this positive or negative for sports v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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