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A country become more interesting and develops more quickly when it is population includes a mixture of nationalities. v.2

A country become more interesting and develops more quickly when it is population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 2
Global migration of people began with the soaring industrialization and due to the major global wars. As a result, many developed nations experience the amalgamation of different cultures and traditions. It is often argued that this diversification of nationalities and cultures make the country more attractive and help the nation progress faster. I agree with this viewpoint. First of all, in a country with cross-cultural integrity, public areas, facilities, and tourists spots are designed considering all inhabitants including expatriates. Shopping malls, entertainment centers, beaches etc. public places become more appealing and usable. The cities become global towns and bear the mark of truly diverse traditions and cultures. For example, in several countries many nationalities reside and taking this in view, a global village is designed. Such global village attracts thousands of tourists around the globe and it claims to be the world' s tourist, leisure, shopping and entertainment destinations. In addition to this, cosmopolitan societies are better for the overall progress of a country. That is perhaps why nations such as the USA, Australia, and Canada, which are primarily multi-cultural societies, enjoy greater prosperity, stability, and harmony. The transaction between immigrants and local residents would quicken the currency circulation and increase the demand for consumption that are the two essential elements of economic development. Thus a country with different ethnic groups and a diverse culture enjoy quicker progress and cultural richness. In conclusion, counties with different cultural background and nationalities are much more intriguing. It is undeniable that different nationalities in a country should be considered a welcoming trend for the appeal and the fast pace growth of a nation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Global
migration of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
began with the soaring industrialization and due to the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
wars.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
experience the amalgamation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and traditions. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that this diversification of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
more attractive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
progress faster. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with cross-cultural integrity, public areas, facilities, and tourists spots
are designed
considering all inhabitants including expatriates. Shopping malls, entertainment centers, beaches etc. public places become more appealing and usable. The cities become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
towns and bear the mark of
truly
diverse traditions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
For example
, in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
reside and taking this in view, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
village
is designed
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
village attracts thousands of tourists around the globe and it claims to be the
Possible spelling mistake found.
world&
#039; s tourist, leisure, shopping and entertainment destinations.

In addition
to this, cosmopolitan societies are better for the
overall
progress of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
That is
perhaps why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
such as the USA, Australia, and Canada, which are
primarily
multi-cultural societies, enjoy greater prosperity, stability, and harmony. The transaction between immigrants and local residents would quicken the currency circulation and increase the demand for consumption that are the two essential elements of economic development.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ethnic groups and a diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
enjoy quicker progress and cultural richness.

In conclusion
, counties with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultural background and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
are much more intriguing. It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should
be considered
a welcoming trend for the appeal and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay A country become more interesting and develops more quickly when it is population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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