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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing their levels of habits health and fitness are decreasing cause and solution. v.1

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing their levels of habits health and fitness are decreasing cause and solution. v. 1
It is a matter of concern that the majority of People in some nations addressed the increase in their normal weight. Due to that a large number of people are facing various health issues there are several reasons for such situation and also some visible instruments to both the aspects are explained in the ensuing paragraph along with the solution regarding this matter. Discussing the reasons the most common is that people do not have spare time in their life for doing exercise or yoga because of the hectic schedule of their office and lots of work that they have to do before the given time, made their life full of mess. Moreover, they do not have fixed timing of taking a meal by which day come across plenty of health problems. The other causes that referring fast food over green leafy vegetables. Since nowadays due to scarcity of time everyone prefer to take food from the shops like McDonald's, KFC in much more because off because their food seems to be very healthy and good, but in reality, it did not fulfil our daily need of nutrition and mineral result of which our body goes through several impacts. furthermore to tackle this situation and individual should join a gym or a Yoga Centre through which he/she remained consistent toward that work and within 2-3 months feel the change in their life another thing is if a person does not have time then that person can opt walking when he/she is commuting to order this office. Thus, to conclude the topic is can be finally commented that I understand our daily work are essential, but besides this, we should not forget about our health.
It is a matter of concern that the majority of

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations addressed the increase in their normal weight. Due to that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are facing various health issues there are several reasons for such situation and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
visible instruments to both the aspects are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the ensuing paragraph along with the solution regarding this matter.

Discussing the reasons the most common is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their life for doing exercise or yoga
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the hectic schedule of their office and lots of work that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, made their life full of mess.
Moreover
, they do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
timing of taking a meal by which day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of health problems.

The other causes that referring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food over green leafy vegetables. Since nowadays due to scarcity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "prefers", "preferred".
prefer
to take food from the shops like McDonald's, KFC in much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their food seems to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
healthy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in reality, it did not fulfil our daily need of nutrition and mineral result of which our body goes through several impacts.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
furthermore
to tackle this situation and individual should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a gym or a Yoga
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
through which he/she remained consistent toward that work and within 2-3 months feel the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their life another thing is if a person does not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
then that person can opt walking when he/she is commuting to order this office.

Thus
,
to conclude
the topic is can be
finally
commented that I understand our daily work are essential,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
besides
this, we should not forget about our health.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing their levels of habits health and fitness are decreasing cause and solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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