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Nowadays shopping has become a new favourite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? Should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies? How? v.3

Nowadays shopping has become a new favourite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? Should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies? How? v. 3
In this materialistic world, with the rise in high disposal income young age group bargain their leisure time at high extent in super malls, online e shopping and etcetera. Although, it is essential part of life to live stress free and entertaining. However, the youth generation should be inclined towards recreational and co curriculum activities, outdoor and Indoor games as well as indulging in voluntary acts. This essay will illustrate a possible reason of addiction towards shopping with a noteworthy ways through which they can be transferred to other activities. Primarily, the main significant factor of exponential upwards towards buying and selling in futile times is owing to the rise in expenditure with an income on an equal proportion. Evidently, the western cultures and working atmosphere influence to purchase of commodities. Similarly, young people are developing as well as becoming innovative for that reason they have acquired skills which they use on occupations and resultantly earning reasonable amount then their past. Moreover, automation also play a paramount importance through online availability of goods and services with ease of affordability and in less time. Simoultaneusly, youngsters while working, commuting, studying or eating can use the exclusive features of online brand store and can avail the items they needed around the clock. Contratingly, it is needless to say that they should devote their necessary time on establishment of varied things such as volunteering for a specific community to develop moral values, ethics and team spirit. Moreover, they should perform in sports to enhance their abilities and physical growth of body. For instance, joining for a membership in nearby recreational centres during weekends provide so many activities to perform such as swimming, workout, spa, aerobic classes and so many entertaining things on a single day pass or yearly passes. Hence, providing information in schools and colleges to stimulate them to make productive use of their spare time. By hammering last nail, I pen down by saying that gradual rise in personal income and western culture influence most young groups to devote their time in shopping malls whilst educational institutions broaden their way to get use of their free time in an efficient way.
In this materialistic world, with the rise in high disposal income young age group bargain their leisure
time
at high extent in super malls, online e shopping and etcetera. Although, it is essential part of life to
live
stress
free and entertaining.
However
, the youth generation should
be inclined
towards recreational and co curriculum activities, outdoor and Indoor games
as well
as indulging in voluntary acts. This essay will illustrate a possible reason of addiction towards shopping with a noteworthy
ways
through which they can
be transferred
to other activities.

Primarily
, the main significant factor of exponential upwards towards buying and selling in futile
times
is owing to the rise in expenditure with an income on an equal proportion.
Evidently
, the western cultures and working atmosphere influence to
purchase
of commodities.
Similarly
, young
people
are developing
as well
as becoming innovative for that reason they have acquired
skills
which they
use
on occupations and
resultantly
earning reasonable amount then their past.
Moreover
, automation
also
play a paramount importance through online availability of
goods
and services with
ease
of affordability and in less
time
.
Simoultaneusly
, youngsters while working, commuting, studying or eating can
use
the exclusive features of online brand store and can avail the items they needed around the clock.

Contratingly
, it is needless to say that they should devote their necessary
time
on establishment of varied things such as volunteering for a specific community to develop moral values, ethics and team spirit.
Moreover
, they should perform in sports to enhance their abilities and physical growth of body.
For instance
, joining for a membership in nearby recreational
centres
during weekends provide
so
many
activities to perform such as swimming, workout, spa, aerobic classes and
so
many
entertaining things on a single day pass or yearly passes.
Hence
, providing information in schools and colleges to stimulate them to
make
productive
use
of their spare time.

By hammering last nail, I pen down by saying that gradual rise in personal income and western culture influence most young groups to devote their
time
in shopping malls whilst educational institutions broaden their way to
get
use
of their free
time
in an efficient way
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays shopping has become a new favourite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? Should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies? How? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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